easter 2012

it's hard being away from family on easter. easter = family, in my mind. without the resurrection, my family and i couldn't live together forever.
it's even harder when all you want to do is crawl under a rock (or back into bed) and sleep forever (or, at least until the trials pass you by--but i learned from president eyring last weekend that it doesn't quite work that way).
thankfully, good lessons and messages, combined with a kind and mindful Heavenly Father, have driven those feelings away (at least for today).
today, not only am i grateful for the sacrifice of my Savior, for redeeming my sins, and making it possible for this imperfect body and spirit to be reunited once again and live with Him again, but i am also grateful for a) good friends and 2) good guy friends that respect and honor their priesthood so that they can be the hands and the mouthpiece for Heavenly Father's blessings and guidance.

i never really appreciated the priesthood, as i grew up in a home without it. but as i went through college, and was assigned home teachers, and made friends with guys, i learned what an important resource it could be. i think it's still a hard thing for me to ask and utilize it, but the feelings i get and the guidance i receive when i trust and have faith is an extraordinary thing.

i also spent the early afternoon prior to making easter dinner (which was delicious, btw) re-reading my notes from general conference. what inspired messages! even more so when you go into conference with questions, prepared to receive answers and revelations.
and it's funny, because you think, oh, these don't relate to me. but they do! they may not relate to your life right at this moment, but at some time or another, they will. and what peace they bring!

if you want to see what i mean, visit this site and read or watch the talks from modern-day prophets and apostles.

at 24.5

i've decided that i'm either done with dating/boys altogether, or i'm just done with stupid/immature boys who don't realize what they have right in front of them (aka, me)
it's not worth my time if guys don't realize what a catch i am.
and it's not worth my time to stress about guys that aren't interested in me, don't put forth an effort, and really, are too immature for their own good.

find me a man, and maybe i'll be able to go back to the days when falling in love seemed so possible, when the story of boy-meets-girl was one of the most precious things in my life, and when i believed that love could actually exist.

until then, i think i'll enjoy my single girl time and hanging out, playing sports with the boys.

party central

it's a bit hectic over in these parts.
it's conference weekend for us Latter-day Saints, so we'll be spending our time watching our Prophet (and others) speak to us from the heart (and the Spirit). You can learn more about that (and watch it too!) over here.
so because it's conference weekend, one, downtown Salt Lake gets freakin' BOGGED DOWN with visitors and people coming from all over the WORLD. seriously. it's insane. but two, i get to see lots of old friends!
one of those visitors is my sister! it's been real fun hanging out with her up here, and having the 3 sisters reunited again.
last night was a slumber party with popcorn, oreos and a little bit of jake ryan and sixteen candles.
not only that, but it's brianna's birthday on Sunday, so we also get to celebrate her 23rd with her! talk about a great weekend!
we hit up provo a bit yesterday for a rugby and volleyball game, and some jdawgs.
today will be filled with spiritual enlightenment, and maybe some shopping at city creek, if we feel the desire to be trampled by hoards of people :)
tomorrow, birthday, more spiritual enlightenment, and my least favorite part: the airport drop-off :(
but i'm sure it'll be a successful weekend, nonetheless.

(and definitely party central at my place until Sunday, so come visit! {i haven't had this many people spend the night since my family visited in September...it's a good thing i have so many places to sleep :)})

an epic weekend

normally my weekends are pretty uneventful, filled with nothingness, chores, or watching movies/hanging out at friends' houses.
this weekend was not normal, not by any means.
and to follow my weeklong California vacation, i was looking forward to it (it's always nice to come back from vacation with a lot of fun things to look forward to)
my weekend started on Thursday, when Mother Earth decide to grace us with really warm weather. like, warm enough that i pulled out my sundress and sandals to wear to work. when i got home from work, i had planned to get some things done around the house, but the warm weather was just too much to ignore. so instead i took Trax over to the new City Creek Center downtown for it's grand opening, despite the risk of running into a massive crowd.

it actually wasn't too crowded, since the work/school crowd hadn't quite gotten there yet. the place is GORGEOUS. plus there are a lot of great stores, and i purchased some really fantastic wedges there :)

after the crowds showed up, i headed home to eat my dinner of chik-fil-a (welcome to downtown!) and then headed off to institute.

after institute, i had some time to kill before the midnight showing of HUNGER GAMES! this film has been a long time coming, and it did NOT disappoint. there were some things i felt should've been there, but overall, i think the filmmakers did a great job (shout out to Aldric Porter, who co-produced the film!)

of course, getting to bed at 3 AM did not bode well for my ability to wake up the next morning, but i thought it would be worth it :)

until i actually did wake up the next morning and realized i would be 2 hours late to work....oops!

no matter, i had some extra time off, so i used that, and only worked for 6 hours. nice!

that night we had a ward night at the jazz game, which, despite being at the very top of the arena, turned out to be a success.

another late night though, turned even later, when scott and i stood outside my apartment and talked for another hour after the game ended, ha.

leading into an early morning, as whitney and i needed to be in Sandy at 9:30 to get in line for tickets to that night's Real Salt Lake game versus Chivas. it was worth it though, when we found our seats that night behind the north goal. even though they lost, and whitney and i walked down state street to the car instead of dealing with more crowds, it was still a fun night. i love soccer games :) and can't wait for more this season.

tron and i also battled the crowds (again) at city creek (don't worry, i refrained from purchasing anything) and then scott and i played catch for a bit before i took off for the soccer game and he went to a hockey game.

sunday brought a really good set of meetings, mingle, nap and then a fireside with elder ballard.

all in all, it was a pretty successful weekend, and it gives me high hopes for spring/summer (spring is still evading us, what with a 20 degree drop in temperature last night/today and rain all day today)

lots to look forward to in this city :)

fate (and lots of other good things)

remember that one time that i saw this really attractive boy in my ward only to find out the next day that he was dating someone? blow to the heart, right?
and then remember that time that fate stepped in and helped me out by assigning sad boy to be my ht? (that's home teacher, for all your non-momos out there. and what that means is he and his companion are great male figures in anyone's life, who help ya out, make sure your needs are covered and that everything is nice and dandy in your life)
so basically, we were meant to be friends. or lovers. fate wants us to be together. so basically, that puts a smile on my face, espesh during this wicked cold front which has only brought a leetle bit of snow to the valley floor. (cold without snow is so not worth it)

another time fate stepped in? remember in my last post how i was upset/saddened that i wouldn't be able to use the awesome tickets i had received in the mail for the MoTab Christmas Concert? well, little miss caitlin informed me (and reminded me of how awesome she and colton are) that their reception is during.the.day. how rad is that?! which means i get to go! and even better, miss breezy marie might be flying into the SLC THAT DAY and will be my date! (and then subsequently have to deal with driving 10+ hours home with me 2 days before christmas. it's a good thing i love my sister/pseudo-twin! can't say the same for her though...)

also, i have friends. yes, blogosphere, you heard right. i, kayla ann abilez, have friends. and what a grand thing it is.
i truly love my ward. such great people. and i'm so SO grateful for the calling i received because not only is it perfect for me, but it forced me to socialize and get to know some really awesome people.

guys, life is so good.
and it can be that way for everyone. just look around you. really think about the things you have, realize how blessed your life is despite the crap/trials/whatever that goes on either in your life or just around you. god loves you. if you don't know that, come talk to me, and i'll remind you and show you His hand in your life.
(and yes, maybe this was a little bit of a Thanksgiving plug, but whatever. i try to be grateful everyday. not just during the holiday season)

also, said home teacher? and his companion? totes blessed my home yesterday. i mean, how awesome is that?! love those men. so glad i'll get home teachers that will turn into friends, because i need people like that up here. i've never really been blessed with good ones (or at least ones that i use for the reasons they're set aside for) except for andrew who was (and still is) awesome.

birthdays of yesteryear

as my 24th birthday draws ever closer i reflected on my past three birthdays, surprised that it was just a mere 3 years ago that i was: starting my senior year of college, and turned 21, the legal age.

looking back, 21 seems so young. i've learned so much about life, about myself, about the world in those three years.

i've definitely grown up, matured (somewhat).

but here's a recap of the last 3 birthdays:

21

the big one. an almost disaster turned into probably one of the best birthdays I've had. so many things were going on that week that I didn't think we were going to be able to celebrate, which was disappointing, I mean, turning 21 is kind of a big deal (to those OF the world). luckily, i had a really awesome sister and roommate that helped get everything together for a massive dessert party.

things worked out when i didn't think they would and it was a blessing in disguise. i needed that.

i probably grew up the most that year. i learned what it meant to love someone. and i learned what it felt like to have my heart broken.

i also graduated from college, had the best summer of my life, and learned what it's like to be a college graduate and move back in with your parent. ha.

22
again, this birthday could have been disastrous. i was back living in california, with all of my closest friends living 600+ miles away.
i had no plans for the day and it was looking to be a pretty bleak birthday weekend.

and then the surprise of my life when my best friend drove out from utah to spend the weekend with me. six flags, the beach, newport. it was everything i could've asked for in a birthday. we may not have had cake, or blown out candles, but it sure was a birthday to remember.

that year i learned to readjust to a new life, one that i wasn't used to. i learned what it was like to lose someone i loved, to have my heart broken once again, and to learn to mend it. i think this was the year that i grew the most, spiritually. i finally came to realize the things i was missing in my life, what i needed to do to improve myself. i learned to rely on the Lord, on His plan, and on His timing.

23
this last year has probably been the least positive year of my young life, which is unfortunate, because i thought that 23 would be MY year. it was my golden birthday, ya know. i expected great things this year. but instead, i had more trials and more disappointments than i thought i would. my birthday was spent like any other day, with a small dinner with abby and judy at gloria's little italy. quite the let down. (and not even a picture of the day)

however, i made a lot of grown up decisions this year. i worked on becoming more whole on my own. i had moved back to provo, readjusted to life in a college town without being in college, got a full time job, lost said job, then found another job that was kind of perfect for me (and also included a 45-minutes commute each way). because of the blessing of this job, i had the opportunity to move into my own big girl apartment in downtown salt lake city. it started out lonely, but it's been really good for me: learning how to budget my money/finances, learning how to start over fresh, in a new city with new people, and learning what it takes to live on my own.

i definitely still have a lot of growing up to do, but as i reflect on the past 3 years, i can see that the Lord has blessed me significantly, that every little bump in the road has been for a reason. it has twisted me and molded me into a person i didn't think was possible, but i sure am glad i had the opportunity to learn and improve.

i can only hope that my 24th year works out to be one of the best ones yet.

on this day of remembrance...

{i know, i know. everyone's posting.
but i couldn't let this day pass without putting in my two cents as well, and seeing as i didn't blog much or even journal, i need some documentation of my feelings}

10 years ago i was 13 years old, just a few weeks into my freshman year of high school.
i was in late seminary, which started at 6:30. sis. mathews used to drive me and a bunch of boys to school after seminary was over.
at 6:30 everything had already happened. i had no knowledge of those events, of how our country was just changed.
i showed up for school, met my friends by our lockers like normal. and then i heard the news: a plane crashed into the twin towers in new york city.
at 13, i had no idea what that meant. i didn't understand the significance of those two buildings. i didn't know what terrorism was. i barely understood how our government worked.
a friend of mine started panicking, claiming that our country was going to fall apart, because those two buildings, those "twin towers" were the economic center. they had collapsed, and with it, everything our country had.
even as a 13 year old, with little to no knowledge of governments, i thought that claim was a little far-fetched. i mean, this couldn't possibly be the end of the world, right?
not exactly, but it was the end of the world as i knew it.
the world changed that day. people became less tolerant, more paranoid. people stopped trusting each other. there was friction amongst nations. politics was discussed more often, and more openly.
there was talk of reinstating the draft, of forcing young men to fight.
we lost a lot of good people that day. people that didn't deserve to lose their lives. people who fought for their right to live, all the way until the end.
we lost good people later on, during the war. Anthony, you're always in our hearts.

re-watching the footage of the towers burning and the second plane crashing into the south tower, it's almost like watching it for the first time. as i've gotten older, i've learned more about that day, understood more of what happened, and have seen the repercussions of that day.
i saw the people of this great nation come together, united as one, and then fall apart as the war continued. let us remember the unity we felt that day, and despite our differences, despite our differing opinions, let us stand together, united, once again, to show the world how we can come back from a tragedy like that, that terrorism will not keep us down. let us live our lives for the people who lost theirs fighting, show them that their sacrifice was and will be worth it.

we may not always agree, or see eye to eye, but we are all Americans. let us never forget that.

it's september

i really shouldn't have favorites. in fact, i don't. i can't choose.

summer is my favorite because it means warm weather, beaches, pools, free time (when i was in school, not so much nowadays), softball/baseball, outdoor time.

but FALL is my favorite because of the colors, the coolness of the weather, halloween, my birthday, and most importantly, FOOTBALL.

even though it's still technically "summer" the first of september always means the start of school (looks like i missed the hogwarts express again. at 23 am i too old to go?), the start of fall, the start of football season.

it's so hard to believe that it's already the 9th month of the year.

that it's time for players to strap on their helmets and get pummeled out on the gridiron.

but it is, and i couldn't be more thrilled.

i only wish i had a tv/cable so i could watch all of the games. i'll have to make do without, be more creative in how i access games, MAKE MORE FRIENDS that love football as much as i do.

it also means i need to start planning: my halloween costume, and my 24th birthday (24 already?! yikes!)

guys, i'm seriously blessed

no really. there is no hint of my usual sarcasm in that there blog title.
i am seriously SO blessed, and most of the time, SO undeserving of those blessings.
why? you ask?
well let me expound:

i'm a pretty open person

most people know about my life.
most people know the things i've been through.
most people though, don't understand some of the feelings i've had. because i don't talk about that.
remember? i can't.

most people know how tough it was for me to move back to Utah last September. (if not, well, it was)
i knew that moving back meant bringing up memories that i didn't really want to relive. it meant risking running into people i didn't want to see (nor had the strength to see, despite my objections otherwise. i tend to live in denial)
{this also explains why i do not like going into the orem walmart}
and i have seen people i haven't wanted to see, BUT that one time was planned. and i was still shaken up about it. i wasn't quite ready to face it.
i wasn't afraid per se, but maybe i was afraid of the potential awkwardness that would ensue, afraid that seeing that person again would remind me of what i didn't have, of what i had lost, remind me of the feelings i had, and remind me of how sad i still am. (i already do that, why would i need the visual reminder??) i was afraid that it would remind me that i'm not quite over that part of my life (it's been 2 years, you'd think i would be by now, right?)

but seriously, any time i go out and do something , i'm paranoid that i'll run into certain people. thus far, i had been lucky. but seriously, i was always looking over my shoulder.
and then tonight.
rooftop concert series. i knew i would see people there i didn't want to. i just had that feeling, ya know? i knew enough about them to know that this particular show was their scene.
we ended up leaving early. we started walking toward the stairs.
i see her first. i automatically recognized her. i panicked. then looked behind her and saw him. i turned my head and walked faster forward.
i was shaking as we walked downstairs back to the car. i couldn't get past it. you think you're prepared for something like that, for the emotions that will come flooding into your system. but you're not. it figures that the last weekend that i'm in this town that i would see the one person i didn't want to. the one person that hurt me the most.
as much as i'll miss provo and my friends, i'm glad i won't have to worry about looking around for him anymore. i won't have to think about what i would say or what i would do if we ever came face to face again.
maybe by moving to salt lake, i'll finally be able to come to terms with everything that's happened the last 3 years. maybe i'll finally be able to let it go, so said the wise Holden Thomas Denyer, age 4.
needless to say, that was a close call.
needless to say, i sure am glad my hair is longer and i'm a little bit more unrecognizable than i used to be.
needless to say, i'm glad i didn't have to have him see me.
but then again, i wish he had, because then he could see what he missed out on.

i'm an awkward turtle.

i'm awkward. i'll admit it. i love awkward moments. but i'm not so much a fan of MY awkward moments. (these could also be considered embarrassing moments, since i rarely remember my own) here are some from this week alone:

• at work, there is a male coworker who isn't bad looking, that i enjoy talking to about sports (he's an alum of the U, me BYU; he loves the Suns, I the Lakers; he's rooting for the Heat, I prefer the Mavs (at least in this series). needless to say, we have some fun and interesting conversations/arguments. he stops by my office, which i share with my female coworker Jen, fairly often, to talk sports. yesterday as Jen and I went to lunch with the receptionist Triena, Jen mentioned that said male coworker comes by our office WAYYYY more often than he did before i worked there. doesn't seem to be a bad thing, right? until you take into consideration the fact that this guy is MARRIED. (yes, i always seem to attract the married ones). jen told me she didn't think it was anything in regards to infidelity, just said that she was making an observation. but now it had me worried/concerned. so when we got back from lunch, and he stopped by our office, again, i couldn't help but laugh. and feel SUPER awkward, knowing this little fact. even today, i was acting a bit more stand-offish towards him, because now i'm not sure how to act.
• today, i had to follow a coworker to the mechanics to pick up a car, and  then i would drive the work car back to the office. not a problem. until i tried to park the car. i could not for the life of me figure out how to put the car into park. i know, i know, i've been driving for 7.5 years now, i should have a handle on it, right? wrong. it was a brand of car i'd never driven, so i wasn't knowledgeable on how to move from D to P. i was dumbfounded, and called Triena to help me. The coworker i had driven finally showed up at the office and couldn't figure out why i was having problems, until he thought about it and realized i needed to push the gear shifter DOWN and then move it. well, duh. of course. makes perfect sense...NOT. i felt dumb. super dumb.
• tonight: rec softball. attractive umpire (from a previous post). OBVIOUSLY i chose to scorekeep on his field. and what luck! we had two forfeits in a row. which let us sit and chat in the sunshine for TWO HOURS. glorious. until i found out he has THREE kids at home and a fourth on the way. boo. but oh my gosh. our conversation was stupendous. until we got on the topic of dating. and i reiterated my distaste for the whole idea of dating because of this reason or that. and then he told me stories of his dating history. and then he said, "i would totally ask you out on a date for the sheer reason that i know it would be fun and we'd be able to have a conversation since we just spent the last two hours talking, and this is only the second time we've worked together." GAH. i die. what do i say to that?! thanks? too bad you're MARRIED and a FATHER?! geez. it really is unfortunate because he's: attractive, easy to talk to, interesting, older, mature, and TOTALLY the type of guy i'm looking for right now. oh my life. the irony. and the awkwardness. not to mention his wife's name is the name of another certain individual's wife. *ick* that name has been ruined for me forever now. such a shame. and their meet story is adorable. and he wasn't sure when he first met her because she was only 18. and they've been happily married for 6 years. *tear* really? why can't i be that lucky to find a guy as great as him??

on each of these notes, why is it that all the attractive married guys i meet can see how fantastically awesome i am? and why do they TELL ME they would have dated me back in the day? what is WRONG with all the guys i know/meet? why are they intimidated by me and can't manage to ask me out, but the unavailable ones can see what a catch i am? can someone please explain this to me??

moving on...

a week ago, i was left without a job.
two days from now, i start anew...in west valley city.
yes folks, i am moving on to bigger and better things.
(kind of)
i went up there this morning for an interview, went to check out some apartments, went back for more interviews and by the time i hit sandy (and chipotle) i had a new job.
i start friday.
and i'm KIND OF freaking out.
a 45 minute commute TWICE a day?
true, it won't be as bad as driving to LA, but still.
come august, i'll hopefully be moving up to salt lake so the commute won't be as bad.
but until then, i'll be doing provo --> west valley city 5 days a week.

but hey, i finally get to have a reason to move to salt lake!!

weekly musings

I haven't done one of these in a while, so why not?

• yesterday's warm weather made me REALLY excited for spring/summer. now that i'm a {mostly} permanent resident of Utah/Happy Valley, i look forward to the warm weather (especially now that i know how much fun it is!)
• i was reading my little sister's blog last night and I realized how little i know about her and my brother. the 5 and 7 year age differences probably accounts for that discrepancy. i was out of the house by the time she started high school, so in my mind, she was essentially frozen in time as a 13 year old. High school is really when you become an individual, so I didn't get to see the things she did, or figure out what she was/is interested in. It was quite the eye-opening experience. With my brother on the other hand, I think I've got him pretty well figured out, but that's because he's 1) a boy, 2) the baby, and 3) my favorite person in the WHOLE WORLD, so we spent a lot of time together in the year that i was home. Although Bryce was essentially frozen as a 7 year old in my mind, the time we spent hanging out last year really overcame that mindset for me, and helped me see him as the now 16 (YIKES) year old that he is.
• I promised myself when I moved back to Provo that I would not let myself get into the rut I was in with he-who-must-not-be-named again. Yet, I'm afraid I am (though, thankfully, not with him), and I'm not quite sure how to get out of it. I'm a natural-born fixer, and feel like I have to make everything right, even if the other person doesn't show that they know/feel something is wrong. I can't just ignore it. But I'd rather not mess things up with this person by asking questions and being upfront. Anyone that knows me, knows I can't exactly keep my mouth shut (when it comes to me, personally. i'm a great secret keeper otherwise).
• I want softball/baseball season to start. And I'm pretty sure that's the first time I've EVER said that. In my life. I HATED baseball a couple years ago, but after working a summer scorekeeping softball, I've learned to enjoy it. It just screams summertime. And let's be honest, summertime is the best season.
• We start our coed soccer tournament this week. I'm slightly nervous, since they bumped us up two divisions to D2. I have great faith in our team's abilities (we DID beat two separate teams 13-1 and 10-1 during regular season). However, there are some good teams out there. I just want to win a shirt, dangit! That's all I ask.
• Powderpuff football is Saturday. I'm stoked. I love football. Although, I don't love people that know nothing about the sport, absolutely nothing. I guess it is one thing to be able to understand a game while watching it, it's completely different playing it. But c'mon! Didn't anyone play powderpuff in high school?? Or intramurals? (apparently not, since I had to help explain: routes, positions, plays, how to block, etc) It's fine though, it'll be super fun.
• What else is Saturday? Sham Rock n Roll, of course! I was there for the 2nd annual, now I'm back for the 4th annual, and man, if it's anything like Rocktoberfest was, I can only imagine how great it's going to be. I've got a flip cup team together and we might have some newbies to the squad, but I think we'll be alright. I can hold my own (30 flips in a row, anyone?) The other teams are missing out on not having me with them. ;)
• Thursday marks the 9 year anniversary of Kurt Mautner's death. The fact that I still remember and still think about him all the time shows how awesome this kid was. Sometimes it still saddens me to think about all the things he's missed. When I was in high school, it wasn't such a big deal, as a senior though, I thought, Kurt never got to be a senior. When I graduated, same thing, never got to graduate. College, Kurt never went to college. I am now 6 years older than he was when he passed. To me, that's crazy. To think of all the things I've done (or haven't done) makes me really appreciate life, and wonder what Kurt would have done if he were still here. More awesome things, I'm sure.
• Let's go live life and not care about what people think!

Groundhog Day

February is already starting out GREAT. (although it's only the second day, so I guess I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch...)
Last night was a success: pulled pork dinner pre-institute (which i didn't end up going to: institute, not the pork dinner), Just Dance 2 (always a good time, even if it's just for a short while), boys basketball game (which they DOMINATED, and lost a player to ejection...now THAT'S my kind of game), talking and laughing at sunshine (typical), freezing in the 2 degree weather, and the subsequently going to the malt shoppe for ice cream. 7 of us crammed in corb's explorer: corbin and brittany in front, anna and kenady in the middle, nate caitlin and i cuddling in the back. good conversations and lack of awkwardness always makes things better, as well. :)
and tonight is just going to get better: birthday shopping for bryce-man. institute (i'm really going tonight...) water polo game, dodgeball game. and somewhere in between all of that: crepes. and possibly watching groundhog day.
and i found out i'm getting a "promotion" of sorts: i'll get off orders desk and start searching, which means a pay upgrade which i'm in need of. and i won't be the middle man for EVERYTHING finally. that was the biggest headache ever. and we're also talking about getting health insurance, YAY! now i can go out and play and not worry (too much, at least) about getting hurt.
Things are looking up :)

{post-edit: i didn't end up making it to institute, crepes took priority at 6:30. don't worry, everyone gave me crap for it. i felt bad enough as it was. luckily they're all good sports. and luckily i'm not letting myself get offended or down on myself too much these days}

a confession

i'm slightly, definitely scared terrified of marriage.

yup.

i said it.

that isn't to say i'm a commitment phobe.

(although, that very well could be true also, i wouldn't know really though, since it's been 5 years since my last "real" relationship)

but really, think about it. marriage.

eternity.

how do you know that the one person you've chosen to spend the rest of, not only your LIFE, but all of eternity with, is actually right?

maybe i've become cynical in the last few years with the numbers of people i've seen get divorced (and at young ages too), but really, that's a HUGE decision.

although i'm terrified of being alone all of my life, i'm doubly terrified of making the wrong decision. 

i'm also terrified that i'll get *gasp* bored.

i tend to get bored, or distracted easily.

something new peaks my interest and i change directions.

(*aside: thank you verizon for your "new every two" program that allows me a new phone ever 13 months. or at least, USED to before the iPhone came out*)

whose to say that the guy i choose to marry won't be a victim of my ever changing personality and tastes?

i know, i know. people will have all sorts of things to say pertaining to this topic.

i've discussed it with many a girlfriend.

i'm welcome to your opinion, but i think until i come to that moment in my life, i'm completely (ok, MOSTLY) content with staying single. and, i'll just have to sit and mull over my distress regarding this topic. i probably won't change my mind until *SLAM* it hits me in the face.

i'll prolong making that decision until i absolutely have to.

and, seeing as i don't even have guys that are clamoring to DATE me, i think i'm in the clear for a time.

goal fulfilled? almost.

i feel like i'm partially closer to my 2010 resolution of "figuring out my life". 2010 consisted of:

taking random dance classes at MCC

studying in the lib/sunshine for the LSAT

tutoring students/keeping students from killing me

planning and attending FHE activities

attending church

taking said LSAT (TWICE)

finding a new, more full-time summer job

buying a car

visiting friends (and stating i wouldn't move back for another year)

subsequently deciding TO move back 6 weeks later

finding ANOTHER new job (plus keeping the old ones)

studying again for the LSAT (okay, two days worth doesn't count)

taking LSAT

planning even MORE FHE activities

lamenting the way my life is going with: love, relationships (both platonic and romantic), career

overall though (or at least, since I've moved back to Utah) i have had a roller coaster of emotions/going back and forth on decisions.

the decision i once had to major in and get a degree in political science now seems regrettable (although there is not much i can do about that now) seeing as I cannot do anything with said degree.

the decision to go to law school to make use of my political science degree seemed reasonable. until i took the LSAT twice and didn't do even close to well enough to get me in anywhere.

the decision to still apply to said law schools despite the fact that i probably wouldn't get in seemed okay; it was a step forward, and at least showed some direction.

the subsequent laziness overruled that decision.

now that i read people's blogs about law school and the work involved in it, i'm glad that my laziness won out.

i don't think that after being out of school for 2 years that i could go back and do reasonably well. if i went back, i think i would drop out faster than you could say....well, whatever you could say. i'd be done.

i don't think i'm made for law school.

especially if i don't really want to be a lawyer anymore. you've gotta really want to be a lawyer to go to law school.

if i could just JUMP into politics somehow, i would do that.

until that happens though, i'm content with my decision NOT to go to law school.

it means i have to find something else to do with my life, but really, put me in most any working environment, and i can excel pretty well. i learn fast and i'm a thinker. that's good enough, right?

maybe i'll go back to school, get a degree in dance (UVU has a GREAT ballroom program, surprising, right?) what would i do with that? i don't know. teach? it's a possibility. i could always find a position with a school here, or back home. and it would be fun to just be dancing all the time again.

but really. i'm glad i'm not pulling my hair out over applications, schoolwork, tests, you name it.

work

sometimes i really love the clients we work with.
other days, not so much.
actually, i have a list of people i don't like:

• UT Commercial for sending us 10 orders at 5:15 (when i get off work at 5:30)
• Vintage for asking stupid questions and over using "?!"
• Premium for sending me updates without saying they are updates, or sending orders we already have

however, our friends at Nations are quite entertaining, Nano in particular (or Ntagg as I know him).

He hates his job about as much as we do. and he is not afraid of stating so. He loves us though. a lot. (and why not? we're amazing here at Stock Title)

every once in a while he'll leave us little hidden messages in his emails for new orders, like this one today:

"In case you were wondering, yes, there is somebody out there named Nolyn Hardy-Starbuck. I bet she's related to Bobby Soggy-Waffle"

HAHA. oh the joys.

"SL order. 3 parcels. I'm sorry. I love you" --> that one was the subject title haha.

i don't even know...

so, i got a job. i've been here almost two weeks and i've got a job. pretty fantastic, i'd say. i knew it'd be a lot easier once i was actually in the state. i have two offers, to be honest. but i'm going with the second one. I'm working at a stock title and lien company in orem. it's a little bit less pay and the hours are later than the first option (the disability firm) but it's closer to my house, and it's a smaller company, so i'm not just a face in the crowd, nor am i doing work that everyone else can do. i'm the only one that does my job, so i'm important, and i get to know everyone in the office. it's pretty great. and i just felt so much better about this position than the other.
however, i now am full-time employed at the stock title firm, part time employed as a scorekeeper for parks and rec, AND part time employed as a typist. so basically it's like i'm working two full time jobs. i don't know how i feel about that. i LOVE working softball and basketball. it's almost like it's not a real job. however, those hours are right after my day job. so my social life is basically non-existant. and typing just takes a while. and is not as fun. especially from home. however, i do like that i can do it whenever i have time (aka weekends or nights i'm not working sports). but again, cuts into my social life.
so let's take a look at my week currently:
monday-stock title 9-5, soccer game 5:30-6:30, dinner, typing, bed.
tuesday-stock title 9-6, softball 6-10:30, dinner, typing (maybe), bed.
wednesday-stock title 9-6, typing/dinner, ward kickball game 9:15, bed
thursday-stock title 9-6, softball 6-9:30, typing (maybe), bed.
friday-stock title 9-6, typing, FREE TIME, bed.
saturday-softball 9-5, FREE TIME, bed.
sunday-church 10:30-1:30, lunch, typing (if it's available), dinner, ward prayer, FREE TIME, bed.

wow. so busy. just typing that made my head hurt.
i should probably get off: facebook, blogger, gmail, itunes and start working, huh? i need all the weekend free time i can get.

oh the places you will go

welp, I'm back in provo.
it was hard getting here. remember the excitement i felt? yeah, that turned to fear/doubt/sadness the night before i was supposed to leave. couldn't tell you why i felt that way. i know leaving home was the right choice (because i mean really, how far can you go living in your mom's house?) i needed to be on my own again, learn to depend on myself, and not on my family (although i know they'll be there for me whenever i need them)
however, i packed up my life into Stella, drove 10 hours alone and made it to utah. {where things have changed SO much since i was here 6 weeks ago}
it's weird being back, to be honest. i'm not sure what to do with myself since i'm not in school, and i've never been in provo and not been in school. right now it's nice because i'm able to unpack and organize everything, but i've gotta find a job (full time) soon, otherwise i'm gonna go stir crazy. i also keep feeling like i'm going to be leaving again soon, but i'm not. i'm here for the duration. after being gone a year, it's weird living in provo and living on my own. i know i'll get used to it though. and meet new people.
already i've had an intramural football game (which we won on a technicality), watched the boys' football game, gone out to dinner with an old friend, chatted with roommates/friends, and tried to make plans for more hanging out. my life is kind of a shambles, things are coming and going all the time, i never know where i'll be at any given hour, but that's okay. sometimes you need that to see what's really important in life.

Disney IS the happiest place on earth

To all those people who knock my love for all things Disney (i.e. Jonas LA, suite life, Disney channel original movies, etc, etc) you would FAIL at Minnie's Moonlit Madness.
What is Minnie's Moonlit Madness?

Well, it began at a trivia game for Disney cast members. It has since grown to include all Disney employees and their friends/family who race against each other to answer/solve clues at Disneyland, while raising money for charity (entry fees go to MercyHouse).
I jumped at the chance to run around Disneyland for three hours answering questions all about Disney after hours. Totes fun, right? ABSOLUTELY. However, I didn't hardly get a chance to prep or cram my brain with useless disney info. i had to go on what i already knew.
Our team consisted of three Disney employees (and thus fanatics) and me. We were ready though. We had wikipedia printouts, clipboards, calculators, disney books, and our love for all things Disney.

We started out with the other 400 teams in Frontierland where we had to answer (and bubble) 50 questions about Disney (and its affiliates). Needless to say, out of the 50, there were probably only about 4 that we had to guess on. Favorite question? What is the name of the secret agent platypus on Phineas and Ferb? I had tears in my eyes i was so happy to see that/know the answer to it (not to mention i was laughing so hard because i KNEW that) whoever said watching those shows was DUMB, is SO WRONG.

After the trivia was over, we opened up our first clue which we then had to solve, get the answer and race back to CLUE CENTRAL to turn it in and get in our next clue. As we were leaving, confetti was falling out of the sky. Everyone reached down to pick some up, thinking it was part of the clue, but a good majority decided that it was useless confetti and DROPPED it (mistake). I had seen the clue, knew that it was a code we had to break and proceeded to hold onto my "useless" confetti. As soon as we left, I had already broken the code. We needed to use the words written on the different colored slips of paper to solve the puzzle. "wander to alice in wonderland". that is where we got our first answer: Red herring. Boy, my team was impressed. and glad they brought me along. Don't ask me how i knew that answer. Or why I knew we needed the confetti. Blame it on my background in poli sci, and the fact that I took a course on intelligence and code breaking/cryptology (yes, my degree has FINALLY done me some good).
we raced towards the hub to turn it in and get our next clue, where the voluntEARS there were impressed with how quickly we broke the code. The rest of the clues went about that same way. A few easy ones, playing games, and some other more difficult ones (logic games, anyone? that one took us a good while to solve, good thing Michelle and I both have practice with that). The best one came around clue 3, when I opened it up to see just words, in no order, names of characters. I instantly saw the code and began to decipher it (again, dont ask me how I saw it. perhaps i have the gift of tongues? code tongues? haha) this clue led us to pizza planet. Boom. After that, I wasn't much help (HA), the knowledge of Disney movies came into play after that and I wasn't as well versed as I had thought. Except for when it came to Disney shows. Boy Meets World? Suite Life? Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Know when they all came around, mostly because I watched them. (and still do).
an hour and a half later, we were finished. Team 2 to finish. Booyah! So much fun, and I am so excited for next year! Now to play the waiting game, to find out how well we did!