a first

in all of my {almost} 25 years of life, i've never really been hit on. sure, i've stood and had a conversation with a guy that i've just met, who i can tell is trying to figure out if he's interested, if he has a chance, and if he should ask for my number, but i've never been hit on. (at least that i've been aware of, but i'm a pretty observant person, so for the sake of argument, let's say i haven't been)

guys, it was like a scene out of a movie. some teen angst drama whose writers and directors couldn't have written a more perfect script.

i walked out of the bathroom after checking my face during country dancing. i was returning to my normal "spot" where my friends know to re-congregate after dancing. a fairly attractive guy was walking by and he looked at me, and no joke, literally stopped and did a double check, exclaiming, "whoa, wait, you are seriously cute!" i was flattered, but a little embarrassed, i mean, this rarely happens to me (i.e. never). he stopped me and he started guessing what i did for a living: "you work in medical" shake of my head. "you're going to school" (i don't remember if that was what he actually said. the details elude me today) another shake of my head. "i know, you were a cheerleader in high school." "yeah, definitely not"

after three strikes (smart guy) he said "okay, i give up, what do you do?"

"i'm an administrator for a company that assists adults with disabilities"

"oh so i was kind of right with the medical thing."

"kind of, but, uh, not really"

and then the real action starts. i honestly could not tell if he was pulling my leg or not, but i was taking this all as something he does regularly, and shortly after this conversation, i saw him flirting with some other cute brunette.

"so, when did you start looking so beautiful?"

i laughed. literally, laughed.out.loud. was this guy for real?

he said, "now don't think i'm just using a pick up line, i'm not. but is it working?"

and i told him, honestly "i'm not big with trusting people, so i'm taking everything you're saying with a grain of salt. does this actually work for you? I mean, do girls actually buy this?"

"well, i don't know, where's your attraction level for me right now? is it going up? going down?"

i waved my hand somewhere mid-body: "it's kind of right here, not really moving right now."

"question mark?"

"yeah, i'm not sure how to take this."

"well, if you find some free time in your night, we should dance."

{in the back of my mind, i'm thinking, if you're really trying to pick me up, and really think i'm so beautiful, then what's stopping you from asking me to dance right now?}
instead, i said, "alright, i'll look for you."

"what's your name?"

"i'm kayla."

"well, kayla, it was great meeting you, i'm Dan the warrior"

"alright dan the warrior, i'll try to find you later. see ya"

........?!?!?!?!?! are we serious right now?! {and yes, there may have been some artistic liberties, since my memory of his and my exact verbage isn't quite there, but you get the general idea. it's essentially all there as best as i can remember}

man, i surely laughed as i walked away. and then laughed again as i retold the story to Sarah and Jed who were waiting for me. they were as incredulous as I felt.

do these guys really think those things work on girls? maybe if he had asked me to dance, and maybe if he hadn't referred to himself as "dan the warrior" and maybe if he were a bit more genuine, i would have been interested. but i've learned enough about guys to know not to trust a pretty face without more information.

unnatural obsession

it's true, i have a habit of obsessing over unattainable men.
the latest object of my affection is this man:

matt bomer

you may recognize him as neal caffrey from USA's 'white collar'. or, if you watch glee, he just recently portrayed blaine anderson's older brother, cooper.

how obsessed am i? well, let's just say i watched all 3 seasons of white collar in a week and a half. and i'm pretty sure i've watched this video of darren and him singing a mash up of duran duran songs more than just once.

 this combo was probably the best decision the producers and director could've have made for the show. in the words of kurt, "you're both so talented and good looking." (so true!)

doesn't matter that he's 10 years my senior, or that he and his partner Simon have 3 boys together.

i ignore all that in the face of a chiseled jawline, that wavy slicked back hair that i just want to run my fingers through, and a voice like satin. oh and those eyes? gorgeous. not to mention, he looks dang hot in whatever outfit they place him in on his show: fitted suit? PERFECTION. naval whites? I'M DYING. a tuxedo? okay, can someone turn up the a/c?? oh and those scenes when he's shirtless....pretty sure i've died and gone to heaven.

too much? be thankful you're not my mother, who has to hear about my obsession nearly every day. (i'm trying to convince her that watching the first three seasons of white collar is a good idea, and NOT a waste of time)

he is quite literally perfection. don't believe me? just google image him. you'll get what i mean soon enough.

excuse me, i'm going to go salivate over him some more...

at 24.5

i've decided that i'm either done with dating/boys altogether, or i'm just done with stupid/immature boys who don't realize what they have right in front of them (aka, me)
it's not worth my time if guys don't realize what a catch i am.
and it's not worth my time to stress about guys that aren't interested in me, don't put forth an effort, and really, are too immature for their own good.

find me a man, and maybe i'll be able to go back to the days when falling in love seemed so possible, when the story of boy-meets-girl was one of the most precious things in my life, and when i believed that love could actually exist.

until then, i think i'll enjoy my single girl time and hanging out, playing sports with the boys.

I love me some baseball boys...

summertime brings out the baseball/softball boys.
and oh, how i love them.
baseball hats are just...hot.
granted, quite a number of the boys that come out to play slow pitch softball in provo are rednecks/ghetto/white trash, but there are those rare few that are quite the catches.
until i find out that they're already taken/married.
boo.
take my ump tonight. attractive, even from my viewpoint in the score booth. and i didn't see a ring on the finger. score.
our second game was a forfeit so he came upstairs to meet everyone since he is new this season.
since i'm scorekeeping for him, he introduces himself and we start chatting it up, getting to know each other.
then, the clincher. that shiny piece of metal on that left ring finger. boo.
why do all the nice, attractive, friendly guys have to be married already?! and why do i have to meet them?? can't i meet a nice, attractive, friendly SINGLE guy?
not yet?
it's not my time, Fate?
well, give me a clue as to when it'll be my time so i can prepare myself, would ya?

it doesn't necessarily have to be a baseball boy. it could be a football boy. or a basketball boy. or really, any sport at all will do. i just love me some sports athletes(you know this). just please, PLEASE, let the next attractive athlete be single!

boys: a word of advice

i'm all for meeting boys.

i'm all for spending time with boys.

i'm all for giving boys my number with the hope that they'll call me and ask me out.

what i am NOT for is boys that i don't know well to text me at 11 at night on a friday and say,

"what are you doing?"

boys! do not do this! one, it looks bad.

11 pm? really? that's just asking for a booty call.

two, i do not know you.

that's what a date is for, to get to know someone.

i'm not all that eager to go hang out with someone, last minute at 11 at night.

this has happened to me. several times, in fact.

tonight even. as i was driving home from the longest day ever: 15 hours away from home, working.

my response?

"i'm driving home from work"

as if that's a sentence that screams encouragment, boy says:

"do you want to watch a movie?"

no, i do not want to watch a movie with you! i.do.not.know.you.

and i have enough life experience to know exactly where that is leading.

and i am not that type of girl.

so i told him:

"sorry, it's been a long day and tomorrow's going to be the same, i'm going home to go to bed"

a legitimate answer. and not in the slightest bit rude.

i could have said: "are you out of your freaking mind?! i don't want to hook up with you, i'd like to get to know you, but you're not giving me the chance, nor are you getting my hints (which aren't really hints but rather bold faced statements telling him to actually ask me out if he wants to see me again)"

so boys, if you want to get to know a girl, ask her out.

invite her to an activity, in a PUBLIC PLACE so she feels comfortable.

hang out with her DURING THE DAY so she doesn't feel like all you want is a booty call.

otherwise, you can kiss your chances goodbye.

(at least with me)

boys

...are confusing. and complicated. yet i like them so much.
i'm freakishly (ok, not freakishly... that sounds psycho) obsessed with this one boy. but he's just so dang cute!
i hate when i get like this.
because then he's all i think about and i can't concentrate on anything else. and i know i need to calm down and take it easy and let things happen, but for some reason, i can't.
maybe it's because i KNOW he likes me. and that makes it harder for me not to fall for him, hard.
i think i already am and that's not a good thing, because if he decides not to go further with this, then i'm going to get hurt. again.
i hate situations like this. especially when it's during the hardest week of my LIFE.