a first

in all of my {almost} 25 years of life, i've never really been hit on. sure, i've stood and had a conversation with a guy that i've just met, who i can tell is trying to figure out if he's interested, if he has a chance, and if he should ask for my number, but i've never been hit on. (at least that i've been aware of, but i'm a pretty observant person, so for the sake of argument, let's say i haven't been)

guys, it was like a scene out of a movie. some teen angst drama whose writers and directors couldn't have written a more perfect script.

i walked out of the bathroom after checking my face during country dancing. i was returning to my normal "spot" where my friends know to re-congregate after dancing. a fairly attractive guy was walking by and he looked at me, and no joke, literally stopped and did a double check, exclaiming, "whoa, wait, you are seriously cute!" i was flattered, but a little embarrassed, i mean, this rarely happens to me (i.e. never). he stopped me and he started guessing what i did for a living: "you work in medical" shake of my head. "you're going to school" (i don't remember if that was what he actually said. the details elude me today) another shake of my head. "i know, you were a cheerleader in high school." "yeah, definitely not"

after three strikes (smart guy) he said "okay, i give up, what do you do?"

"i'm an administrator for a company that assists adults with disabilities"

"oh so i was kind of right with the medical thing."

"kind of, but, uh, not really"

and then the real action starts. i honestly could not tell if he was pulling my leg or not, but i was taking this all as something he does regularly, and shortly after this conversation, i saw him flirting with some other cute brunette.

"so, when did you start looking so beautiful?"

i laughed. literally, laughed.out.loud. was this guy for real?

he said, "now don't think i'm just using a pick up line, i'm not. but is it working?"

and i told him, honestly "i'm not big with trusting people, so i'm taking everything you're saying with a grain of salt. does this actually work for you? I mean, do girls actually buy this?"

"well, i don't know, where's your attraction level for me right now? is it going up? going down?"

i waved my hand somewhere mid-body: "it's kind of right here, not really moving right now."

"question mark?"

"yeah, i'm not sure how to take this."

"well, if you find some free time in your night, we should dance."

{in the back of my mind, i'm thinking, if you're really trying to pick me up, and really think i'm so beautiful, then what's stopping you from asking me to dance right now?}
instead, i said, "alright, i'll look for you."

"what's your name?"

"i'm kayla."

"well, kayla, it was great meeting you, i'm Dan the warrior"

"alright dan the warrior, i'll try to find you later. see ya"

........?!?!?!?!?! are we serious right now?! {and yes, there may have been some artistic liberties, since my memory of his and my exact verbage isn't quite there, but you get the general idea. it's essentially all there as best as i can remember}

man, i surely laughed as i walked away. and then laughed again as i retold the story to Sarah and Jed who were waiting for me. they were as incredulous as I felt.

do these guys really think those things work on girls? maybe if he had asked me to dance, and maybe if he hadn't referred to himself as "dan the warrior" and maybe if he were a bit more genuine, i would have been interested. but i've learned enough about guys to know not to trust a pretty face without more information.

the path of life

i know i've mentioned this before, but i have to reiterate: hindsight is such a beautiful thing. i'm grateful that i am able to look back on past experiences and realize that i am really so blessed and that God really does have a hand in everything that goes on in life.

maybe it was last night's institute class that really opened my eyes. we started out the class with a "test". we were told we had 45 seconds once our papers were turned to find every number on the page, numerically, one by one (using our index fingers to point them out) 1-50 before time ran out. the first time around, i got to 25. then the teacher told us to put an imaginary line down the center of the page, vertically and to go left from right. we did it again, 45 seconds. i improved, and was able to find 35. the third time, he told us to not only go left from right but also to go top to bottom, so there were 4 quadrants. by then, i could start to see this pattern, so i nodded my head as he explained this. we went again. 45 this time. the 4th time the told us that the numbers get bigger as you go further out. so not only were you going left to right, and top to bottom, you were also going towards the edges of the page. this time around i got through all 50 and with time to spare.
he then asked us, how does this apply to our life, to what we've been learning?
i answered and said, it's like the plan of salvation. there are guidelines, a path, instructions to get to the end, but it's our choice whether we want to follow them or not.
God has given us certain guidelines, and will give us more and more clues, asking for them or not, but it is still up to us to decide to follow them: that's our agency.

sometimes it's so hard to understand that there really is a plan for each and every one of us. for some reason, we always forget that. we get too wrapped up in what we want, and why we can't have that to remember that sometimes things aren't going to work out, and in the long run, that's a good thing.

i was feeling sad about not being in a relationship (the ups and downs of a typical girl) and about missing out on being part of a really great family, and my mom reminded me that God will put a stop to anything that isn't good for you.
i knew that, of course, but had forgotten it in the last little while. thinking back during my walk around city creek today, i remembered how badly i wanted to move back to Utah, and how every time i tried, something wouldn't work out, so i couldn't move. i stayed in California and learned to love being there. as time passed, i found a good time to move back and started taking the steps to make that happen, reminding myself that if it wasn't the right decision, that God would stop me from leaving. He didn't, and I moved back.
with this relationship, He allowed me to go forward with it, because at the time, it was good for me, i had lessons i needed to learn. and then it ended, quickly. and i struggled with it, thinking that in my heart it had felt right, and why was it ending when i was so happy? and then my mother's words, and my own, spoken years ago, reverberated in my mind, that it wasn't good enough so God put a stop to it. sure, it's still going to hurt, and it's not going to be any easy because of the natural (wo)man that's inside me, but at least now i have that perspective, and i can understand more that there is someone and something better for me out there. and who knows, maybe it still is this guy. but maybe the timing isn't right, and that the situation needs to be different in order for it to work out. but i'm not going to stress about it, or be sad and miserable because it's all in God's hands now. He has the plan, He's guiding my ship and I need to trust Him.

an update

so, yesterday was the 4th (fave holiday!) and i completely failed on the whole picture taking deal.

but what a great day it was! woke up early, played some soccer, partied by the pool all day, ate some good food, then went and enjoyed a pretty awesome fireworks show with good friends and a cute boy ;)

(he may or may not be the reason why blogging and picture taking has slacked off as of late)

regardless, here are some pics from my phone (i'm still working on uploading camera pics)

pool time with friends!

sugarhouse fireworks

colorings from a cute boy for my office :)

plus, here's what else i've been up to, via pictures:

1. lagoon day with the office 2/3. art festival downtown 4. exploring downtown 5. tennis (watching mostly) 6. beautiful early morning sunrises

flaws

guys, i know i'm not perfect, i'll be the first to admit it.

in fact, a lot of my strengths, when used incorrectly (or when used too overbearingly--is that even a word??) can become a major weakness, a flaw.

i get it.

i recognize.

oh believe me, do i recognize that.

(living alone for a year allows a lot of self-reflection)

i'm a perfectionist.

i'm bossy (see above)

i'm eager to please.

i tend to think i'm right/i try to always be right.

i hate making mistakes.

i work hard (again, see the first one).

but i really think that the first quality is my downfall.

because i'm a perfectionist (not necessarily at home, but that's a whole other story), i tend to, what's the word....take on too much? stress out? freak out? all of the above?

right now, i'm co-chair of two committees: sports and activities.

sports basically takes care of itself, except for when we actually start playing league.

(i stress out from that. i want everyone to be able to play, make everyone happy PLUS win, but i can't have all of that, so i snap at friends sometimes. sorry!)

activities isn't too bad, just planning and delegating. but then when something comes up in the community within my friends, i somehow end up being the one that has to plan and organize it all.

(today for example, planning how to get tickets for and RSL game tomorrow night when it wasn't my idea. no bigs though, i'll do it. i'll just stress about it the whole time to make sure everyone that wants to be there, is there)

and then at work. i've taken on a second position basically, plus am still playing middle man for several other positions.

and books are out of order for the audits, so i'm trying to organize past stuff as well as work on present issues that come up.

(i could almost guarantee that i'd be able to work 60+ hours this week if they let me, which thank goodness, they don't)

i'm not saying all of this to get pity, or to brag about all the responsibilities i have, brag about how "important" i sound (because i'm not, and i don't think i am. i'm just trying to do the things that people have asked me to)

i'm saying this to a) apologize to anyone whose feet i've figuratively stepped on these last few weeks and b) to warn people that if i do snap at you, that it's nothing personal, whatsoever. i'm just overwhelmed, trying to make sure everything is perfect and running smoothly.

i'm sure that eventually i'll figure out how to balance everything, but then again, maybe i won't. maybe this is my life now that i'm an "adult" (whatever that actually means): constant busy-ness, never enough downtime to sit and breathe and plan out a course of action.

be patient with me.

i'm working on being patient with myself and with others, to remind myself that i'm not perfect, no one is, and that if things don't go perfectly, it's absolutely alright.

i need to remember to take some time for myself. to take a drive, explore the city, take a shopping break, enjoy the warm weather, the sunshine, the sights that i'm so blessed to be surrounded by on a daily basis.

i am so blessed.

a quick review

as much as i love seeing matt bomer's face every time i check my blog, i'm sure you all are sick of it. so i'll try to update you all a bit on life.

i was going to do a cool picture update with fewer words, but then i realized that i didn't really have all that many pictures, and the ones i did have were all on instagram/facebook anyway. so just look there, i guess?

besides that though, you can rest assured that summer is in full swing. swimming has not happened yet, merely because pools are just barely opening, but days spent in the sun have been abundant, as have been a few Bees games, my own softball practices, soccer games, my first arena football game (not as exciting as i had hoped) and lots and lots of barbeques.

not to mention, i've been called as the activities co-chair in my ward, which means, i get the pleasure of planning ALL OF THE ACTIVITIES for my YSA ward. joys. but really. as stressed out as i may feel right now about it, i am pretty excited. i mean, they gave me control of what we get to do this year! (and seeing as we haven't had an activity except for our Christmas party since I've been here, things are about to change)

i'm working on planning this month's mingle, and next month's summer social, as well as other little activities here and there. so if i'm not around much, that's why.
so much for wanting to find a second fun job this summer.....my nights are completely consumed, what with FHE on monday, soccer wednesday, country dancing thursday (sarah and i have started going--it's so fun!), socializing fridays (aka movie nights, parties, etc), softball saturdays, and all of those fun church things on sunday, i rarely have time to myself these days. rough, right?

i actually love it though. but amongst all of that, i'm trying to plan for the future, save money, and find somewhere new to live once my lease is up the first of august. so prayers are completely acceptable right now and very much appreciated, so that i don't self destruct into a whimpering ball of nothingness.

oh, and can we say how excited i am for seven peaks to open on SATURDAY?! because i am. already planning on being there DAILY after work.

and the upcoming holiday should be epic, even with most of my friends out of town. why? because i get to have summer sno, and see pentatonix LIVE. yes. be jealous.

faith and humor

there are times in my life, when i get tired of being complacent, when i become bored, and i feel like, though i'm not doing anything in the wrong, that i'm falling off the right path, and i'm not sure how to get back on. or, that i'm not quite getting through or past a particular hurdle enough to progress to the next spot (imagine a board game, like Candyland, where all you're getting are the "you did _____, move back ___ spaces"). and then something happens, a trial, for example, and it really tests my faith, but as much as it tries to shake me, and remove me from my foundation, i can't be moved, because i've placed myself in the hands of the Lord, because i've built myself upon the rock. but i still can't figure out why i needed to go through a particular trial, or why i'm struggling so bad. until i look back on that situation (whether it's because i'm repeating history, and going through a similar situation again, or i'm just reminiscing) and i realize what it meant to my growth, and why i needed that particular struggle.
there are other times that i hit a rut in the road. i'm not going back, and i'm not moving forward. so instead, i make a decision, to try a different direction in order to see if that makes a difference. sometimes it doesn't. sometimes it does. sometimes, i get a clearer mind, a fresher mind. sometimes, it hits me like a ton of bricks....BAM. a change in the scenery. some sort of enlightenment. a conversation, a new idea, a phone call, a new offer, or a new opportunity. and it hits me so suddenly, i don't even expect it. it takes me by surprise. so much so that i just sit there and laugh thinking, 'this is it? this is what i was waiting for?'
and then i realize, God sure does have a sense of humor. i picture Him sitting up there, watching my life, past, present, future, seeing me struggle, seeing me exhaust all of my resources in order to figure out MY timeline, instead of HIS, and he laughs to Himself, thinking "oh my child, if only you knew what I had in store for you. I know what you need, when you need it. you are never alone."

{via}

He sees my life in a way that I cannot and will not. He knows what I need to experience in order to build me up. and though it's taken me 24 years, i think i'm finally starting to understand that. as much as i want certain things, and think i need certain things, He always knows better.

And though I've never really known how a relationship between a father and daughter should be, I can imagine that the relationship between my Lord and I would be similar to the picture above, because I can feel Him when I need Him most, and I know in those moments that He is there for me, always, guiding me, advising me, allowing me to make mistakes, but picking me back up when I fall, and never ever showing disappointment in me, but always being proud of the progression I've made, and continue to make. I sure can't wait to sit at His feet, and listen to His comforting words, and have His arms wrapped around me, hearing that I have done a good job.

summer plans

today has been a very warm day. one of those days that you've been waiting for all winter long. the one that you know means that summer is very nearly here (especially in utah, where it snowed on friday, but was then gorgeous, sunny and warm saturday)

so with that, i've decided to write what i hope are my plans for the summer (though, let's be honest, without an actual summer now that i'm working full-time, it'll be a bit more difficult to manage than it used to be)

bees games (and raptors and owlz games)
trafalga (and subsequently, the batting cages)
seven peaks every.day.
more RSL games
motorcycle rides
(and learning how to ride a motorcycle...who wants to teach me?!)
re-learning spanish
camping trips
pool time/tanning time
trips to vegas/anywhere my little heart desires
hikes
boat trips
great salt lake/spiral jetty (this has been on my list for YEARS, who wants to help check this off??)
bike rides/longboarding
softball games as often as i can manage
dodgers baseball

if you're in salt lake, or even if you're not, and you wanna join me for any of these, let me know, i'd love to have a friend along :)

an epic weekend

normally my weekends are pretty uneventful, filled with nothingness, chores, or watching movies/hanging out at friends' houses.
this weekend was not normal, not by any means.
and to follow my weeklong California vacation, i was looking forward to it (it's always nice to come back from vacation with a lot of fun things to look forward to)
my weekend started on Thursday, when Mother Earth decide to grace us with really warm weather. like, warm enough that i pulled out my sundress and sandals to wear to work. when i got home from work, i had planned to get some things done around the house, but the warm weather was just too much to ignore. so instead i took Trax over to the new City Creek Center downtown for it's grand opening, despite the risk of running into a massive crowd.

it actually wasn't too crowded, since the work/school crowd hadn't quite gotten there yet. the place is GORGEOUS. plus there are a lot of great stores, and i purchased some really fantastic wedges there :)

after the crowds showed up, i headed home to eat my dinner of chik-fil-a (welcome to downtown!) and then headed off to institute.

after institute, i had some time to kill before the midnight showing of HUNGER GAMES! this film has been a long time coming, and it did NOT disappoint. there were some things i felt should've been there, but overall, i think the filmmakers did a great job (shout out to Aldric Porter, who co-produced the film!)

of course, getting to bed at 3 AM did not bode well for my ability to wake up the next morning, but i thought it would be worth it :)

until i actually did wake up the next morning and realized i would be 2 hours late to work....oops!

no matter, i had some extra time off, so i used that, and only worked for 6 hours. nice!

that night we had a ward night at the jazz game, which, despite being at the very top of the arena, turned out to be a success.

another late night though, turned even later, when scott and i stood outside my apartment and talked for another hour after the game ended, ha.

leading into an early morning, as whitney and i needed to be in Sandy at 9:30 to get in line for tickets to that night's Real Salt Lake game versus Chivas. it was worth it though, when we found our seats that night behind the north goal. even though they lost, and whitney and i walked down state street to the car instead of dealing with more crowds, it was still a fun night. i love soccer games :) and can't wait for more this season.

tron and i also battled the crowds (again) at city creek (don't worry, i refrained from purchasing anything) and then scott and i played catch for a bit before i took off for the soccer game and he went to a hockey game.

sunday brought a really good set of meetings, mingle, nap and then a fireside with elder ballard.

all in all, it was a pretty successful weekend, and it gives me high hopes for spring/summer (spring is still evading us, what with a 20 degree drop in temperature last night/today and rain all day today)

lots to look forward to in this city :)

2012

this will be a quick post seeing as it's late and it's been a long first day of twenty-dozen.
i'll recap last year's resolutions, recap my break and do a much overdue update on my life later.
until then, here are the things i want to work on this new (possibly last?) year:

take risks

seize opportunities

be happy

smile through the tears and the hard times

{post-edit: i'm also going to stop being the "best friend"}