a show 5 years in the making

you all know by now my obsession with music. i've mentioned it more times than i have fingers and toes for.
and you may also know that one of my all time favorite bands is Brand New. i bought their second album on a whim, and haven't looked back (i've just overlooked Daisy, because it's not that great. sorry Jesse. but you know you've done better)
Friday night Brand New performed with Manchester Orchestra at the U's annual Redfest. As soon as I saw that announcement on their facebook page, I knew I had to be at that show. it had been a good 5 years since the last time I had seen them in concert. (2007--crazy to think it's been 5 years) and in fact, I'm pretty sure that was the last time they had played with Manchester Orchestra as well (all their shows kind of merge into one. i can't even remember how many times i've seen them. 4? 5? whatever, it's a lot)
after i purchased tickets, i found out that U students got 2 free tickets. boo. i have at least 4 friends that all like Brand New and call go to the U that would've given me their extra ticket. oh well.

listening to them again, and live, was like re-living my high school and college days. all of the memories and emotions from those years came flooding back and i was reminded why i loved their music so much. it spoke to me. and funny enough, Jesse's words were exactly the words that i needed to hear, that i wanted to say out loud to the doubters, the haters, the jerks and the non-believers.

their set list was perfect. (minus the fact that he didn't play Quiet Things, which is the one song i love that i've never heard live because in all the shows i've attended, they didn't play) similar to the set list from 5 years ago. being there, in a crowd of over a thousand plus people, all singing along to Jesse's words was as incredible as it had always been.

I'll leave you with some of my favorites (mostly from Deja Entendu, because let's be honest, that's their best album)

really, you just need to listen to them all. i've got over 100 tracks, come over, i'll set you up.

also, i took a few videos at the show, i'll try to post them on this later.

an update

so, yesterday was the 4th (fave holiday!) and i completely failed on the whole picture taking deal.

but what a great day it was! woke up early, played some soccer, partied by the pool all day, ate some good food, then went and enjoyed a pretty awesome fireworks show with good friends and a cute boy ;)

(he may or may not be the reason why blogging and picture taking has slacked off as of late)

regardless, here are some pics from my phone (i'm still working on uploading camera pics)

pool time with friends!

sugarhouse fireworks

colorings from a cute boy for my office :)

plus, here's what else i've been up to, via pictures:

1. lagoon day with the office 2/3. art festival downtown 4. exploring downtown 5. tennis (watching mostly) 6. beautiful early morning sunrises

party central

it's a bit hectic over in these parts.
it's conference weekend for us Latter-day Saints, so we'll be spending our time watching our Prophet (and others) speak to us from the heart (and the Spirit). You can learn more about that (and watch it too!) over here.
so because it's conference weekend, one, downtown Salt Lake gets freakin' BOGGED DOWN with visitors and people coming from all over the WORLD. seriously. it's insane. but two, i get to see lots of old friends!
one of those visitors is my sister! it's been real fun hanging out with her up here, and having the 3 sisters reunited again.
last night was a slumber party with popcorn, oreos and a little bit of jake ryan and sixteen candles.
not only that, but it's brianna's birthday on Sunday, so we also get to celebrate her 23rd with her! talk about a great weekend!
we hit up provo a bit yesterday for a rugby and volleyball game, and some jdawgs.
today will be filled with spiritual enlightenment, and maybe some shopping at city creek, if we feel the desire to be trampled by hoards of people :)
tomorrow, birthday, more spiritual enlightenment, and my least favorite part: the airport drop-off :(
but i'm sure it'll be a successful weekend, nonetheless.

(and definitely party central at my place until Sunday, so come visit! {i haven't had this many people spend the night since my family visited in September...it's a good thing i have so many places to sleep :)})

i'm a pretty open person

most people know about my life.
most people know the things i've been through.
most people though, don't understand some of the feelings i've had. because i don't talk about that.
remember? i can't.

most people know how tough it was for me to move back to Utah last September. (if not, well, it was)
i knew that moving back meant bringing up memories that i didn't really want to relive. it meant risking running into people i didn't want to see (nor had the strength to see, despite my objections otherwise. i tend to live in denial)
{this also explains why i do not like going into the orem walmart}
and i have seen people i haven't wanted to see, BUT that one time was planned. and i was still shaken up about it. i wasn't quite ready to face it.
i wasn't afraid per se, but maybe i was afraid of the potential awkwardness that would ensue, afraid that seeing that person again would remind me of what i didn't have, of what i had lost, remind me of the feelings i had, and remind me of how sad i still am. (i already do that, why would i need the visual reminder??) i was afraid that it would remind me that i'm not quite over that part of my life (it's been 2 years, you'd think i would be by now, right?)

but seriously, any time i go out and do something , i'm paranoid that i'll run into certain people. thus far, i had been lucky. but seriously, i was always looking over my shoulder.
and then tonight.
rooftop concert series. i knew i would see people there i didn't want to. i just had that feeling, ya know? i knew enough about them to know that this particular show was their scene.
we ended up leaving early. we started walking toward the stairs.
i see her first. i automatically recognized her. i panicked. then looked behind her and saw him. i turned my head and walked faster forward.
i was shaking as we walked downstairs back to the car. i couldn't get past it. you think you're prepared for something like that, for the emotions that will come flooding into your system. but you're not. it figures that the last weekend that i'm in this town that i would see the one person i didn't want to. the one person that hurt me the most.
as much as i'll miss provo and my friends, i'm glad i won't have to worry about looking around for him anymore. i won't have to think about what i would say or what i would do if we ever came face to face again.
maybe by moving to salt lake, i'll finally be able to come to terms with everything that's happened the last 3 years. maybe i'll finally be able to let it go, so said the wise Holden Thomas Denyer, age 4.
needless to say, that was a close call.
needless to say, i sure am glad my hair is longer and i'm a little bit more unrecognizable than i used to be.
needless to say, i'm glad i didn't have to have him see me.
but then again, i wish he had, because then he could see what he missed out on.

new friends, new adventures

nothing like a weekend with an eccentric/random group of people to open up your social networks.
st. george was great this weekend. exactly what i needed. although, i wish it was warm and not raining.
and i wish st. george didn't remind me of he-who-must-not-be-named.
isn't it bad enough that i'm reminded of him wherever i go in provo? can't you leave me alone in st. george?
anyway, it really was great, despite the rain and freezing temps. i was a bit worried when i heard who all was going because i didn't know any of them more than from a few interactions at church (if at all)
the drive down was long. but marissa and i (whom i didn't know at all prior to this trip) entertained ourselves with talk about LA (where she served her mission) and singing along to HSM, Moulin Rouge and Hairspray. A girl after my own {musical} heart!

Disney IS the happiest place on earth

To all those people who knock my love for all things Disney (i.e. Jonas LA, suite life, Disney channel original movies, etc, etc) you would FAIL at Minnie's Moonlit Madness.
What is Minnie's Moonlit Madness?

Well, it began at a trivia game for Disney cast members. It has since grown to include all Disney employees and their friends/family who race against each other to answer/solve clues at Disneyland, while raising money for charity (entry fees go to MercyHouse).
I jumped at the chance to run around Disneyland for three hours answering questions all about Disney after hours. Totes fun, right? ABSOLUTELY. However, I didn't hardly get a chance to prep or cram my brain with useless disney info. i had to go on what i already knew.
Our team consisted of three Disney employees (and thus fanatics) and me. We were ready though. We had wikipedia printouts, clipboards, calculators, disney books, and our love for all things Disney.

We started out with the other 400 teams in Frontierland where we had to answer (and bubble) 50 questions about Disney (and its affiliates). Needless to say, out of the 50, there were probably only about 4 that we had to guess on. Favorite question? What is the name of the secret agent platypus on Phineas and Ferb? I had tears in my eyes i was so happy to see that/know the answer to it (not to mention i was laughing so hard because i KNEW that) whoever said watching those shows was DUMB, is SO WRONG.

After the trivia was over, we opened up our first clue which we then had to solve, get the answer and race back to CLUE CENTRAL to turn it in and get in our next clue. As we were leaving, confetti was falling out of the sky. Everyone reached down to pick some up, thinking it was part of the clue, but a good majority decided that it was useless confetti and DROPPED it (mistake). I had seen the clue, knew that it was a code we had to break and proceeded to hold onto my "useless" confetti. As soon as we left, I had already broken the code. We needed to use the words written on the different colored slips of paper to solve the puzzle. "wander to alice in wonderland". that is where we got our first answer: Red herring. Boy, my team was impressed. and glad they brought me along. Don't ask me how i knew that answer. Or why I knew we needed the confetti. Blame it on my background in poli sci, and the fact that I took a course on intelligence and code breaking/cryptology (yes, my degree has FINALLY done me some good).
we raced towards the hub to turn it in and get our next clue, where the voluntEARS there were impressed with how quickly we broke the code. The rest of the clues went about that same way. A few easy ones, playing games, and some other more difficult ones (logic games, anyone? that one took us a good while to solve, good thing Michelle and I both have practice with that). The best one came around clue 3, when I opened it up to see just words, in no order, names of characters. I instantly saw the code and began to decipher it (again, dont ask me how I saw it. perhaps i have the gift of tongues? code tongues? haha) this clue led us to pizza planet. Boom. After that, I wasn't much help (HA), the knowledge of Disney movies came into play after that and I wasn't as well versed as I had thought. Except for when it came to Disney shows. Boy Meets World? Suite Life? Sabrina the Teenage Witch? Know when they all came around, mostly because I watched them. (and still do).
an hour and a half later, we were finished. Team 2 to finish. Booyah! So much fun, and I am so excited for next year! Now to play the waiting game, to find out how well we did!

memory like an elephant

{i'm on a roll with these blog posts lately...sorry if it's overwhelming}

with friends, i tend to start conversations like this: "remember that time..."

especially with people that i don't have TOO much in common with, or haven't had a lot of time to talk with them/get to know them.

and a lot of time, even with really close friends, they're amazed with how much i remember, details even, dates and times and who was there. (but even at times my memory is limited)

perhaps this explains why i take less photos than i'd like, because my memory is strong enough to remember even the most insignificant detail (although, pictures DO help me remember)

the pro/con to having the memory of an elephant though is that i can fall asleep to the memories in my head as if they're a filmstrip of my life (cool!) but i can also remember things that cause my heart to hurt (even years later).

if there were a way for me to take a snapshot of the memories in my brain and post them everywhere, i would (to fill in the blanks that the lack of photographing leaves behind)

the best thing i heard all day...

"i'll marry you kayla"

haha. oh jonny. you make all my dreams come true :). now you just have to get through your 2 year mission and then those dreams can become a reality.

what was even better was that he said that the 3 years between us didn't matter (even if i am 3 years his senior). nor did the fact that i'm the same age as his sister (who is one of my best friends).

at least it gives me hope that boys DO see me as marriage potential. i'm not in fact a hopeless case as i thought through my 4 years at BYU.
maybe that luck can continue when i move back to provo? i can only hope :)

picture collage of LIFE

Kik's graduation from TOHS June 2010

Sister Vanessa Vogel's farewell June/July 2010

Punch Bowls in Oxnard

Trip to Venice Beach

Roaring 20s party

Trip to Solvang with Cousins

Dodger game vs Padres

July is my favorite summer month

it's true. i love JULY. i love the patriotism. the smells. the warmth. the excitement.

i've been worried that July 2010 wouldn't meet the standards of July 2009 (and let's be honest, it might not in the end) but so far it's been pretty good. I was bummed that I couldn't make it to Utah this past weekend for not only Paige's wedding, but also for the celebrations that are prevalent in Utah Valley for the 4th.

However, it ended up working out nicely. Provo didn't really recognize the 4th this year (mainly because it was on a sunday) and i probably would've had to miss the parade monday morning.

instead i spent the weekend with friends and family. friday night vanessa, laura and i headed to oxnard for our favorite meal, cafe rio. practically our whole ward was there (we had planned that though).

then we went and saw knight and day with lindy. not bad. cheesy. long-ish. but entertaining enough.

saturday i became a stereotypical mormon housewife (without actually being a housewife) with my cleaning, baking, crafting spree. with cousins coming into town on monday, my room needed some major cleaning. proud to say that was accomplished. then, i had bough 4 cork board squares and some cute fabric squares for, what else, cute cork boards to hang in my room (because you really can't have too many of those things). it took me a while to size cut and glue the first one (especially while watching the spain/portugal game {VIVA ESPANA!}) but once i got the hang of it, it was fun. and they turned out way cute.

after that i decided i wanted to bake a cake for the 4th festivities. pics can be seen on facebook, but i'll try to post some here once i get home (i'm at work currently) basically it's a yellow round cake with a vanilla pudding, raspberry and strawberry center topped with whipped cream and decorated with blueberries and strawberries to look like the american flag. we didn't eat it until sunday but boy was it delish!

saturday night i took bryce and kiana and matt chun out to moorpark to mingle with friends and enjoy their 3rd of July fireworks that they do every year. quite entertaining.

sunday was a typical sunday but then we headed over to the sorensens for a barbeque with the taylors. delish and fun. i always love spending time over there. we even got to talk weddings! (my favorite topic right now)

we were able to kind of see the TO fireworks from the backyard by the fire pit. i think that's the way to enjoy fireworks.

monday though was by far the best day. i got work off (thankfully!) and joined my friends for a {long} hike up to the punch bowls in ojai/santa paula. boy what an adventure! rock climbing, river jumping, avoiding trees, etc. super fun though. and the weather was absolutely perfect. and it was nice to be able to spend one last day with vanessa before she was set apart as a missionary and leave us for first provo and then the people of brazil.

i'll post pics as soon as i can. i just had nothing to do at work so i figured i should spend my time updating my blog :) and besides, what a way to celebrate not only july, but also my 200th post AND the 3rd anniversary of my blog?! :)

life

10 years down the road,

if we run into each other again,

are you going to be upset that you let me go?

am i going to be ok?

are you going to regret leaving me behind?

will i have accepted being left behind?

will we regret never giving things a shot?

will our hearts ache for the time we lost, the chances we had but turned away?

i don't want ten years to pass before we realize what is slowly slipping away.

i want to know what is going on in your life.

i don't want to have to catch up on years of each others' lives.

i don't want to move on.

i'm holding on with everything that i have.

i'm not letting go.

i hope you haven't quite given up yet either.

Lost Memories

The other day I was driving through TO (Thousand Oaks, for those non-oak town-ites)

listening to my ipod play on shuffle (something I don't do often enough)

and an old song came out through the speakers that brought me back to my dorm days at BYU.

It reminded me of the people I spent most of my time with

the random things we did to entertain ourselves

and the good times we had.

Other songs have that same effect on me:

it will bring me back to a certain time, a certain place,

a specific memory.

Fragrances do the same thing.

Does that happen to anyone else?

As I finished my drive, it occurred to me that if that song had not played, I would not have thought of that memory. I worry that because I don't regularly write down the things that happen in my life, that I will slowly start losing and forgetting them.

But then I realized that because I live my life surrounded by music and sound that I will always have that to remind me of the good times, and even the bad times.

I still think I need to do better at recording my life--using music to remind me.

picture memories

A picture of you dressed up

A picture of you that is old, but is one of your favorites

A picture of you and who you live with

A picture of you during the summer

A picture with a parent or two

A picture of you in your room

A picture of you very drunk.

(jk, everyone, jk)

A picture of you with a former crush.

A picture of you on your birthday.

A picture of you on your favorite holiday

The oldest picture of yourself in digital form

A picture of you in one of your favorite outfits

A picture of you making a funny face

A picture of you being your true self

A picture of a time in your life that you wish wasn't over

A picture of a time in your life that you're happy is over

A picture of you with your oldest friend

A picture of you with your newest friend

A picture you didn't know was being taken

A picture of when you were anything but happy, even if you were smiling and doing your best to hide it

A picture of yourself that you like

A picture of you with someone you love

A picture of you with a sibling

A picture of you living your life how you would like to live everyday of your life

A picture of when your life was changing

A picture of you and one of your talents

A picture that makes your heart smile

A picture that makes your heart hurt

A picture of you being ridiculous