Semi-annual guidance

I remember growing up and ignoring the fact that General Conference was on, especially when it was a Saturday. I mean, c'mon, it was Saturday! It was my free day! I was supposed to sleep in and play all day long, not watch 4 hours of church!

Even Sunday was rough for me. Extra church than I was used to? That didn't fly with me.

Once I went to college, I started enjoying conference. Maybe it was the excitement from my friends that rubbed off on me, or maybe it was the chance I had to go sit in the conference center in salt lake that really got me interested in it. Whatever it was, I was hooked. Through 4 years of college, I had gone to at least one session every 6 months. I only missed watching a session a few times because I was working softball.

I have found the importance of listening to the words of our prophet on a regular basis and I have learned to love it.

In the last two years, I have been present for great and wonderful announcements that have brought me to tears (and no, I don't think I was just overly emotional at the time those announcements were made).

Last year's October session announced the rebuilding of my beloved Provo tabernacle not only to its grand state, but to also convert it into a second temple in the city.

This year announced a temple in Tucson, which was overridden by the announcement that young men are eligible for church service at the age of 18, and young women at the age of 19 (previous ages were 19 and 21, respectively). This news is huge. My first thought had to do with the fact that I'm not ready for my baby brother to leave for 2 years (a bit selfish, I know) and after that, I was a mess. A crying mess.
As I thought about it more, I began to realize the repercussions of this announcement: I and my brother could go through the temple and receive our temple endowments at the same time (girls who have not served a mission and are not married are encouraged to wait until they are 25). I will be 25 in 2 weeks.

I had always thought that I would go through prior to my wedding, with my fiancé. It never even crossed my mind that I would have the opportunity to do so with my brother.

And now, a new announcement: my youngest sister will also be serving a mission a year earlier than planned because of the change. By June, we could have 3 of the 4 kids going through the temple.

It was an answer to a prayer, not only for my siblings, but also for me. I had been wondering what my next step in life would be, where I should be headed. Now I know that I should be preparing myself to go through the temple, to make those sacred covenants and to receive important blessings that will help guide me for the rest of my life.

Oh what joy and peace comes from being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

If you want to learn more, go to lds.org or Mormon.org and feel free to ask me any questions you may have.

flaws

guys, i know i'm not perfect, i'll be the first to admit it.

in fact, a lot of my strengths, when used incorrectly (or when used too overbearingly--is that even a word??) can become a major weakness, a flaw.

i get it.

i recognize.

oh believe me, do i recognize that.

(living alone for a year allows a lot of self-reflection)

i'm a perfectionist.

i'm bossy (see above)

i'm eager to please.

i tend to think i'm right/i try to always be right.

i hate making mistakes.

i work hard (again, see the first one).

but i really think that the first quality is my downfall.

because i'm a perfectionist (not necessarily at home, but that's a whole other story), i tend to, what's the word....take on too much? stress out? freak out? all of the above?

right now, i'm co-chair of two committees: sports and activities.

sports basically takes care of itself, except for when we actually start playing league.

(i stress out from that. i want everyone to be able to play, make everyone happy PLUS win, but i can't have all of that, so i snap at friends sometimes. sorry!)

activities isn't too bad, just planning and delegating. but then when something comes up in the community within my friends, i somehow end up being the one that has to plan and organize it all.

(today for example, planning how to get tickets for and RSL game tomorrow night when it wasn't my idea. no bigs though, i'll do it. i'll just stress about it the whole time to make sure everyone that wants to be there, is there)

and then at work. i've taken on a second position basically, plus am still playing middle man for several other positions.

and books are out of order for the audits, so i'm trying to organize past stuff as well as work on present issues that come up.

(i could almost guarantee that i'd be able to work 60+ hours this week if they let me, which thank goodness, they don't)

i'm not saying all of this to get pity, or to brag about all the responsibilities i have, brag about how "important" i sound (because i'm not, and i don't think i am. i'm just trying to do the things that people have asked me to)

i'm saying this to a) apologize to anyone whose feet i've figuratively stepped on these last few weeks and b) to warn people that if i do snap at you, that it's nothing personal, whatsoever. i'm just overwhelmed, trying to make sure everything is perfect and running smoothly.

i'm sure that eventually i'll figure out how to balance everything, but then again, maybe i won't. maybe this is my life now that i'm an "adult" (whatever that actually means): constant busy-ness, never enough downtime to sit and breathe and plan out a course of action.

be patient with me.

i'm working on being patient with myself and with others, to remind myself that i'm not perfect, no one is, and that if things don't go perfectly, it's absolutely alright.

i need to remember to take some time for myself. to take a drive, explore the city, take a shopping break, enjoy the warm weather, the sunshine, the sights that i'm so blessed to be surrounded by on a daily basis.

i am so blessed.

fate (and lots of other good things)

remember that one time that i saw this really attractive boy in my ward only to find out the next day that he was dating someone? blow to the heart, right?
and then remember that time that fate stepped in and helped me out by assigning sad boy to be my ht? (that's home teacher, for all your non-momos out there. and what that means is he and his companion are great male figures in anyone's life, who help ya out, make sure your needs are covered and that everything is nice and dandy in your life)
so basically, we were meant to be friends. or lovers. fate wants us to be together. so basically, that puts a smile on my face, espesh during this wicked cold front which has only brought a leetle bit of snow to the valley floor. (cold without snow is so not worth it)

another time fate stepped in? remember in my last post how i was upset/saddened that i wouldn't be able to use the awesome tickets i had received in the mail for the MoTab Christmas Concert? well, little miss caitlin informed me (and reminded me of how awesome she and colton are) that their reception is during.the.day. how rad is that?! which means i get to go! and even better, miss breezy marie might be flying into the SLC THAT DAY and will be my date! (and then subsequently have to deal with driving 10+ hours home with me 2 days before christmas. it's a good thing i love my sister/pseudo-twin! can't say the same for her though...)

also, i have friends. yes, blogosphere, you heard right. i, kayla ann abilez, have friends. and what a grand thing it is.
i truly love my ward. such great people. and i'm so SO grateful for the calling i received because not only is it perfect for me, but it forced me to socialize and get to know some really awesome people.

guys, life is so good.
and it can be that way for everyone. just look around you. really think about the things you have, realize how blessed your life is despite the crap/trials/whatever that goes on either in your life or just around you. god loves you. if you don't know that, come talk to me, and i'll remind you and show you His hand in your life.
(and yes, maybe this was a little bit of a Thanksgiving plug, but whatever. i try to be grateful everyday. not just during the holiday season)

also, said home teacher? and his companion? totes blessed my home yesterday. i mean, how awesome is that?! love those men. so glad i'll get home teachers that will turn into friends, because i need people like that up here. i've never really been blessed with good ones (or at least ones that i use for the reasons they're set aside for) except for andrew who was (and still is) awesome.

Thankfulness

Well, it's that time of the year again: when everyone publicly announces what it is they are thankful/grateful for. typical. i think we should be announcing ALWAYS what a blessing life is. So starting now, that's what i'm going to do. Everyday I'll be grateful for something, even if it is miniscule. But anyway, for Turkey Day 2010, here's my list of things I am grateful for:

• my family, immediate and extended. they are so loving, supportive, encouraging, helpful. they are the best family i could ever have asked for.
• my friends, both here in utah, in california, and wherever else they may be (now that we're all grown ups and living all over the country) the friends in utah have been a huge blessing to me, especially as i make the adjustment back to living on my own.
• the gospel. i don't know where i would be without it. it strengthens me every single day.
• along with that: my testimony, the atonement, the plan of happiness, eternal life.
• the ability to see, hear, taste, touch, smell
• the ability to walk, run, jump, etc (basically do anything physical-play sports, dance, etc)
• the ability to love, hurt, care for, feel emotion, etc.
• the experiences (and trials) of the past year (not just 2010) that have strengthened me as an individual, shown me how to grow, shown me what kind of person i want to be (and should be), and taught me valuable lessons.
• the opportunity to work (and not only one job, but three, especially in this economy)
• my degree. it may not do much for me now, but to say that i have one, is HUGE.
• my car (and the people who helped bring it to me)
• the warmth of my apartment, bed, clothes, etc (esp in these frigid temps)
• the service of others
• compliments from friends, and strangers, out of the blue, that brighten my day
• music. i wouldn't get through my days without my music
• this nation, despite the way things have been going lately, to be free to do what i like, worship the way i want, go to the schools i want to, and be where i want to be.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving with people you love and care about the most. I'll be spending it with my friends, missing my family in California, but GRATEFUL for the hospitality and love I'll feel here.

the beatles

so, i'm sitting here waiting for my pumpkin cookies to bake and watching the history channel's coverage of the beatles. maybe it's the reintroduction of them to the music scene (thank you itunes) but i've started listening to them again (i have most of their albums on my ipod) and have realized that although i can't call myself the BIGGEST beatles fan, i DO know most of their songs. it probably has to do with the fact that i grew up listening to KEARTH 101, oldies radio in california. i knew the songs, but probably didn't know (or didn't understand) who sang it, and the importance and significance of it.

i told caitlin on thursday though that i really started listening to them again after Across the Universe came out (and subsequently the soundtrack for the movie, whose songs are ALL beatles hits). i love their versions of the songs, and it's reminded me of how great the rest of them are as well.

maybe this is the start of my thanksgiving post? i'm thankful for {music}, reintroduction to good music, and the beatles, for creating such a following of music.

happiness is...

• having friends that will bring you costa vida while you're at work. who will go snowboarding with you when you call them to go. who will go out of their way to make you happy.
• enjoying your job and looking forward to the nights you get to work, even if it is a 5 hour shift of jr. jazz high school boys' basketball.
• enjoying school and class and having meaningful and fun conversations through them, namely passing notes during pl sc 170.
• having someone on the outside who knows about a previous situation but still makes you feel better about what happened and reassures you that what you said and did was justified.
• listening to good music that makes you feel happy.
• coming home from a long day at school and work, and finding you have 10 new emails, 4 new comments on facebook, one friend request, one message...
• being tired but still being happy about the things that have occurred in life in the recent weeks.
• being grateful for the things that God has blessed you with and seeing His hand in your life.
• feeling like everything is going wonderfully and wondering how you could've ever been depressed or upset about anything.

today (and yesterday, and the past few days for that matter) was fantastic. i didn't do a lot, and i was worried about making it to work on time, but everything worked out. yesterday was snowboarding again. i was by myself for most of the day while matt was in class, but we met up afterwards and his eagerness to do whatever was so infectious. it's funny, but he's always so tired and kind of blah when i pick him up to go, but as soon as we've finished a few runs, he's jazzed and psyched for the rest of the day. it's contagious and rubs off on me. his happiness reflects on me and makes me feel so much better. random hugs from him make me feel good too and puts a smile on my face.
today was a long day of class, but i was prepared (finally!) for 361 and so i kept itching to say something, but unfortunately never felt smart enough to (maybe in a couple of weeks). good conversation with adam through notes in 170 also brightened my day, as did leaving class early to get to work on time. work was great. lots of fun, except for that little stressful game where there were a gazillion people there all yelling. lots of energy, that's for sure. texting nell about snowboarding tomorrow, and matt, and then asking him to bring me food and him being willing also made everything better. sure i had to wait a few hours, but still, he did. well, actually BLAINE brought it inside, but he called (and thank goodness Sharon was my supervisor and said i could answer) to make sure i had gotten it and that he would call about boarding tomorrow. and then TEXTING and apologizing for not coming in. uh, thanks, but it was enough that you even BROUGHT me food. you saved me from 5 hours of starvation. thank goodness for friends.
i love love LOVE how everything is going this semester and i can already see a change in my attitude and behavior about everything. I'm more relaxed and easy going (as i should be). i really hope this lasts for longer than just a few weeks. i'm really enjoying all of it. :)

December thanks

Things I'm grateful for this month: (and this most likely will be edited by the end of the month, especially considering it's only the middle of December...)

• Across the Universe and the GREAT music that came from it. I'm officially obsessed right now. In fact, I am currently listening to the soundtrack again.
• Beautiful piano music. In particular, Yann Tiersen's Comptine D'un Autre Ete, and Yiruma's The River Flows Through You, and Kiss the Rain. BEAUTIFUL. i cannot get enough of it. It calms me down and makes me smile.
• Being able to snowboard when I want/can. Friday I only got a couple hours in, but Nell and Brandon showed me some new runs I had never gone on. Opens up my previously limited choice of runs at Sundance. Pretty excited about exploring more this season.
• Good friends. Yesterday as I was heading to Belmont for Sarah and Cami's birthday celebration, I stopped at KH 106 to say hi to whoever was home. It was only Jon and Jordan, but it turned out to be fantastic. We chatted for a bit, I helped them pick out clothes to wear and then they came with me to Belmont where we talked more...I love those boys. They left to go get food, but invited me to go see I Am Legend with them at midnight. GREAT MOVIE. and good times with those guys. I'm definitely gonna hang out with them more next semester.
• Spending time with Brad Melchin. That kid is great. We barely hung out this semester, but we kinda made up for it today. I went with him to the mall to search for some snowboard gear. 4 hours later, we came out successful...and starving. I think he's pretty pleased with his purchases, and even I'M pleased with his purchases. They're fantastic :) We got a chance to talk and just hang out and it was great. He even bought me lunch afterwards, as a token of his gratitude for helping him out...it was a pleasure. I love being able to do things for friends when they need me.

Life's pretty good. Better than it has been for a while, and for that, I am grateful. I'm trying harder not to let the little things get to me and to just "go with the flow" as Brent always tells me and I feel like it's working out for me. I'm also not trying to over analyze situations. I think that's my downfall.
I've got 4 pretty tough tests this week, but as soon as they're done, I'm out of here and home in California for a couple weeks...pretty stoked. Can't wait to see my sisters and brother. It's been a while...too long, in fact. And just being in the warm weather...can't really top that.

attitude for gratitude

i randomly found this great blog where the author states every day what they are grateful for.
What a fantastic idea. It's something I don't do often enough and I need to in order to have a better attitude about life. Especially after yesterday's fiasco and fight with Matt, I was so angry, and i think for once he was kind of frustrated with me (thank goodness!), but he still accepted me for who i am, and was the one trying to comfort ME, causing me to apologize to him (as I should). So with his comforting words and the guidance of this random blog, I am posting what I am thankful for today.

• my sister. Saturday night I called her in tears, barely able to get a word out, but she sat and listened to me cry and rant, and offered me comfort and kind words. she even agreed to bring me home her favorite hawaiian boy for me for christmas, all wrapped up in a red bow, even though he won't fit under our tree. We've gotten so much closer in the last 3 years that I've been out of the house, and for that I am eternally grateful.
• sarah. she tells me things as they are. kind of like how i am. she doesn't sugar coat things to make it easier to handle or accept. she tells me the truth, even if it's gonna hurt. and she ALWAYS knows when i'm sad or upset and knows exactly what to say. and sometimes she doesn't even need to say anything. she'll just listen to me.
• my life. i am healthy. i'm a little wiped out from school and just sheer exhaustion, but i have full function of my body. i can do the things i want to: snowboarding, dancing, singing. i can hear, and see, and talk. i am able to walk up those horrid stairs to campus and not get too winded. i have the ability to eat the foods i want and not feel guilty because i know i am fit enough to be able to exercise when i need to.
• the snow that covers the ground. after saturday's snow shower, i remembered why i live in utah and why i love the snow so much. there's something peaceful about it. it's beautiful and soft and quiet. it's as if nothing could go wrong. like the whole world is just sleeping underneath a blanket of whiteness.
• matthew ekman because no matter how MAD i get at him, he will always be my friend and will always try his best to make me happy, which i am totally undeserving of. he was the one trying to cheer me up yesterday when all i wanted to do was hit him. that is true friendship.
• my mother. for understanding my weaknesses and doing her best to help me overcome them. she loves and supports me unconditionally, even when i act like i don't deserve it.
• the sunshine. i love the snow when the sun is out. everything sparkles and shines like thousands of shimmering diamonds.
• water. it nourishes me and quenches my thirst. it keeps my body healthy.
• seeing friends in the library. especially friends that i haven't seen in ages.
• jordan mcdonnel. for also talking to me yesterday while he was at bishops' interviews. and for kidnapping me friday night from the library, even though i had a ton more homework to do.
  

so this will be a new tradition for me. at least once a week i will post what i am grateful for. if needs be, i will edit and post more than once. this is what i need to do to keep myself positive and not being such a downer all the time.

"never think or feel like your life sucks. smile when you don't feel like smiling... it pisses you off but soon enough you're laughing at yourself. life is good. full of some huge ups and downs... and that's how it's supposed to be, otherwise it would be pointless. just focus on those ups and be thankful for what you have. things will work out. :)"