flaws

guys, i know i'm not perfect, i'll be the first to admit it.

in fact, a lot of my strengths, when used incorrectly (or when used too overbearingly--is that even a word??) can become a major weakness, a flaw.

i get it.

i recognize.

oh believe me, do i recognize that.

(living alone for a year allows a lot of self-reflection)

i'm a perfectionist.

i'm bossy (see above)

i'm eager to please.

i tend to think i'm right/i try to always be right.

i hate making mistakes.

i work hard (again, see the first one).

but i really think that the first quality is my downfall.

because i'm a perfectionist (not necessarily at home, but that's a whole other story), i tend to, what's the word....take on too much? stress out? freak out? all of the above?

right now, i'm co-chair of two committees: sports and activities.

sports basically takes care of itself, except for when we actually start playing league.

(i stress out from that. i want everyone to be able to play, make everyone happy PLUS win, but i can't have all of that, so i snap at friends sometimes. sorry!)

activities isn't too bad, just planning and delegating. but then when something comes up in the community within my friends, i somehow end up being the one that has to plan and organize it all.

(today for example, planning how to get tickets for and RSL game tomorrow night when it wasn't my idea. no bigs though, i'll do it. i'll just stress about it the whole time to make sure everyone that wants to be there, is there)

and then at work. i've taken on a second position basically, plus am still playing middle man for several other positions.

and books are out of order for the audits, so i'm trying to organize past stuff as well as work on present issues that come up.

(i could almost guarantee that i'd be able to work 60+ hours this week if they let me, which thank goodness, they don't)

i'm not saying all of this to get pity, or to brag about all the responsibilities i have, brag about how "important" i sound (because i'm not, and i don't think i am. i'm just trying to do the things that people have asked me to)

i'm saying this to a) apologize to anyone whose feet i've figuratively stepped on these last few weeks and b) to warn people that if i do snap at you, that it's nothing personal, whatsoever. i'm just overwhelmed, trying to make sure everything is perfect and running smoothly.

i'm sure that eventually i'll figure out how to balance everything, but then again, maybe i won't. maybe this is my life now that i'm an "adult" (whatever that actually means): constant busy-ness, never enough downtime to sit and breathe and plan out a course of action.

be patient with me.

i'm working on being patient with myself and with others, to remind myself that i'm not perfect, no one is, and that if things don't go perfectly, it's absolutely alright.

i need to remember to take some time for myself. to take a drive, explore the city, take a shopping break, enjoy the warm weather, the sunshine, the sights that i'm so blessed to be surrounded by on a daily basis.

i am so blessed.

easter 2012

it's hard being away from family on easter. easter = family, in my mind. without the resurrection, my family and i couldn't live together forever.
it's even harder when all you want to do is crawl under a rock (or back into bed) and sleep forever (or, at least until the trials pass you by--but i learned from president eyring last weekend that it doesn't quite work that way).
thankfully, good lessons and messages, combined with a kind and mindful Heavenly Father, have driven those feelings away (at least for today).
today, not only am i grateful for the sacrifice of my Savior, for redeeming my sins, and making it possible for this imperfect body and spirit to be reunited once again and live with Him again, but i am also grateful for a) good friends and 2) good guy friends that respect and honor their priesthood so that they can be the hands and the mouthpiece for Heavenly Father's blessings and guidance.

i never really appreciated the priesthood, as i grew up in a home without it. but as i went through college, and was assigned home teachers, and made friends with guys, i learned what an important resource it could be. i think it's still a hard thing for me to ask and utilize it, but the feelings i get and the guidance i receive when i trust and have faith is an extraordinary thing.

i also spent the early afternoon prior to making easter dinner (which was delicious, btw) re-reading my notes from general conference. what inspired messages! even more so when you go into conference with questions, prepared to receive answers and revelations.
and it's funny, because you think, oh, these don't relate to me. but they do! they may not relate to your life right at this moment, but at some time or another, they will. and what peace they bring!

if you want to see what i mean, visit this site and read or watch the talks from modern-day prophets and apostles.

fate (and lots of other good things)

remember that one time that i saw this really attractive boy in my ward only to find out the next day that he was dating someone? blow to the heart, right?
and then remember that time that fate stepped in and helped me out by assigning sad boy to be my ht? (that's home teacher, for all your non-momos out there. and what that means is he and his companion are great male figures in anyone's life, who help ya out, make sure your needs are covered and that everything is nice and dandy in your life)
so basically, we were meant to be friends. or lovers. fate wants us to be together. so basically, that puts a smile on my face, espesh during this wicked cold front which has only brought a leetle bit of snow to the valley floor. (cold without snow is so not worth it)

another time fate stepped in? remember in my last post how i was upset/saddened that i wouldn't be able to use the awesome tickets i had received in the mail for the MoTab Christmas Concert? well, little miss caitlin informed me (and reminded me of how awesome she and colton are) that their reception is during.the.day. how rad is that?! which means i get to go! and even better, miss breezy marie might be flying into the SLC THAT DAY and will be my date! (and then subsequently have to deal with driving 10+ hours home with me 2 days before christmas. it's a good thing i love my sister/pseudo-twin! can't say the same for her though...)

also, i have friends. yes, blogosphere, you heard right. i, kayla ann abilez, have friends. and what a grand thing it is.
i truly love my ward. such great people. and i'm so SO grateful for the calling i received because not only is it perfect for me, but it forced me to socialize and get to know some really awesome people.

guys, life is so good.
and it can be that way for everyone. just look around you. really think about the things you have, realize how blessed your life is despite the crap/trials/whatever that goes on either in your life or just around you. god loves you. if you don't know that, come talk to me, and i'll remind you and show you His hand in your life.
(and yes, maybe this was a little bit of a Thanksgiving plug, but whatever. i try to be grateful everyday. not just during the holiday season)

also, said home teacher? and his companion? totes blessed my home yesterday. i mean, how awesome is that?! love those men. so glad i'll get home teachers that will turn into friends, because i need people like that up here. i've never really been blessed with good ones (or at least ones that i use for the reasons they're set aside for) except for andrew who was (and still is) awesome.

guys, i'm seriously blessed

no really. there is no hint of my usual sarcasm in that there blog title.
i am seriously SO blessed, and most of the time, SO undeserving of those blessings.
why? you ask?
well let me expound:

p.s.

it's already october 10th. how could i have missed that? october is my favorite month. and not just because my birthday happens to fall in october (although, that is a plus). it's because of the changing leaves, the scent and feel of fall all around you. it's the chill in the air that makes you walk a little faster, to warm up next to a fireplace with a cute boy and sip apple cider (or hot chocolate). it's football season. it's halloween. it's basically just the best month ever.
this october is looking to be the best one thus far in my 20 years of living. weird how that sentence sounds...20 years of living. that's a long time. but i don't feel like it's been a long time. it just sounds like it.
i've found a great guy. we're going to vegas this weekend for a football game. my mom is coming to visit me next weekend on the charity and kindness of others. my birthday is in 13 days and halloween is a week after that. how much more blessed could one girl be? right now, i love my life. minus the drama, that will hopefully pass quickly and peacefully.