wintertime bucket list

I'm starting my 6th winter season here in Utah, and I decided, with a new scene and new friends, that I should make a bucket list for this year, of things I want to do with the snow that I maybe never had the chance to before. I really do love the snow: it's romantic, peaceful, calm, and reminds me of what's really important in life.

So, here's the start of my Utah Winter Bucket List:

• make a snowman (still have never done this. shocker, I know)
• ice skating at the Gallivan Center
• see the lights at Temple Square (a Utah tradition)
• go to the MoTab Christmas Concert (Dec 17th!!)
• go snowboarding (typical)
• see a ballet (Nutcracker, hopefully. another tradition)
• take a carriage ride through the city!
• sledding
• have a snowball fight (circa 2007 with drive-bys)
• see the festival of lights at South Towne mall
• look at Christmas lights around town (aka go into neighborhoods. there's only so much you can see in the city)
• go to a Jazz game (preferably against the Lakers, but that's only if this lockout ever ends)
• buy my own {fake} Christmas tree and have a decorating party!

I'm really excited for winter, especially now that I'm in downtown. Anyone want to join me in crossing off these things off my list?! You're welcome to join me :)

FINALS

Well, finals are upon us. I have 5 finals to finish by Thursday because I'm driving home to CALIFORNIA Friday at 5 am. Yes, that is A.M. But that means I'll get home earlier! So really, I don't mind.

I've been really slacking on the whole blogging thing, but really, who actually reads this? Not too many people, so I don't feel that bad.

But, because it's finals week, I also have a good excuse. Not to mention the fact that I've deactivated facebook three times in the last 2 1/2 weeks :) So I probably should post some pictures or something, since they aren't on the FB yet. At least it's something, right?

Most of them are from the BYU/Utah State game last Saturday that was at Energy Solutions Arena...we had GREAT seats (kinda). 14th row, behind the backboard (aka, in the student section). It was a really fun game. Brianna, Brandon, me and Brad (dang, I didn't even realize I was the only one without a B name there...interesting) drove up for the game, then headed to the Gateway for Costa Vida and then attempted to drive up to Temple Square to see the lights. It was kind of a bad idea since there were so many people, but we were able to find a spot on the street. We just walked around the Temple, taking pictures and looking at all the lights. It was the best we could do to get into the Christmas spirit since there wasn't any snow yet. (*Note: there is now snow on the ground, so it can finally officially feel like Christmas) It was interesting though, because normally the gates immediately around the temple are closed to visitors and those not going through the temple, but for some reason that night, they were open. So we walked as close to the temple as I think I've ever been (at least for the Salt Lake Temple).

Anyway, other than that outing, not much else has been going on. Movie nights have commenced once again, which makes me happy--I missed those. We watched Hancock Friday night, The Matrix Saturday night and the Matrix: Reloaded last night. Not a bad set of films. I was so anti-Matrix when they first came out, but now I can't wait to watch the third one. Strange.

SNOW

finally, Sundance is open for the season! I've been waiting for this day since June/July. Now, I'll admit, the snow probably won't be the best, I mean, we DID get rain last night, but, according to RideUtah.com, they got 9 new inches of snow, so can't complain too much. and hey, i don't have to pay for my half day pass--thank goodness for season passes! I'll definitely be taking advantage of it...I'll go every chance i get.
I NEED to be out there boarding again. It honestly was the only thing that made me truly happy last semester, and I know i'm in desperate need of happy again.

On another note...4 days of classes left. How did the semester go by so fast? What did I do? How did I do? Not too well. Well, class wise I think I did alright. I spent a lot more time studying and doing homework than i have in my last 4 semesters here, but life-wise...not so well. I screwed things up with people I really care about and I've lost my sense of trust. I normally trust SO EASILY (which is quite ironic, considering my history...) but lately, I've questioned everyone and everything, thinking that people are lying to me or keeping things from me. I need to get back to the trust I had, but it's going to be hard to earn that back.
I also don't know how to make things right. I feel like I'll say something stupid or act abnormally and make things worse, or awkward. I can't just show up and apologize and except all to be well again (although I know it most likely will, but I won't feel like i deserve to be forgiven that quickly). I need to hug you and feel safe and comfortable again, but I'm not sure how that will be taken. and I'm not sure when I'll be able to do that. Hopefully it's soon.

"Because sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't because the words won't come out, or you get scared, or you feel stupid. But if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you needed to say, and it would be beautiful and people would listen, and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us never get the chance to say what we're thinking, or what we want other people to know what we're thinking, so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever..."