I NEED to be out there boarding again. It honestly was the only thing that made me truly happy last semester, and I know i'm in desperate need of happy again.
On another note...4 days of classes left. How did the semester go by so fast? What did I do? How did I do? Not too well. Well, class wise I think I did alright. I spent a lot more time studying and doing homework than i have in my last 4 semesters here, but life-wise...not so well. I screwed things up with people I really care about and I've lost my sense of trust. I normally trust SO EASILY (which is quite ironic, considering my history...) but lately, I've questioned everyone and everything, thinking that people are lying to me or keeping things from me. I need to get back to the trust I had, but it's going to be hard to earn that back.
I also don't know how to make things right. I feel like I'll say something stupid or act abnormally and make things worse, or awkward. I can't just show up and apologize and except all to be well again (although I know it most likely will, but I won't feel like i deserve to be forgiven that quickly). I need to hug you and feel safe and comfortable again, but I'm not sure how that will be taken. and I'm not sure when I'll be able to do that. Hopefully it's soon.
"Because sometimes you have something you need to say, but you can't because the words won't come out, or you get scared, or you feel stupid. But if you could write a song and sing it, then you could say what you needed to say, and it would be beautiful and people would listen, and you wouldn't make a complete idiot out of yourself. But all of us can't be songwriters, so some of us never get the chance to say what we're thinking, or what we want other people to know what we're thinking, so we'll never get the chance to make things right again ever..."
