the path of life

i know i've mentioned this before, but i have to reiterate: hindsight is such a beautiful thing. i'm grateful that i am able to look back on past experiences and realize that i am really so blessed and that God really does have a hand in everything that goes on in life.

maybe it was last night's institute class that really opened my eyes. we started out the class with a "test". we were told we had 45 seconds once our papers were turned to find every number on the page, numerically, one by one (using our index fingers to point them out) 1-50 before time ran out. the first time around, i got to 25. then the teacher told us to put an imaginary line down the center of the page, vertically and to go left from right. we did it again, 45 seconds. i improved, and was able to find 35. the third time, he told us to not only go left from right but also to go top to bottom, so there were 4 quadrants. by then, i could start to see this pattern, so i nodded my head as he explained this. we went again. 45 this time. the 4th time the told us that the numbers get bigger as you go further out. so not only were you going left to right, and top to bottom, you were also going towards the edges of the page. this time around i got through all 50 and with time to spare.
he then asked us, how does this apply to our life, to what we've been learning?
i answered and said, it's like the plan of salvation. there are guidelines, a path, instructions to get to the end, but it's our choice whether we want to follow them or not.
God has given us certain guidelines, and will give us more and more clues, asking for them or not, but it is still up to us to decide to follow them: that's our agency.

sometimes it's so hard to understand that there really is a plan for each and every one of us. for some reason, we always forget that. we get too wrapped up in what we want, and why we can't have that to remember that sometimes things aren't going to work out, and in the long run, that's a good thing.

i was feeling sad about not being in a relationship (the ups and downs of a typical girl) and about missing out on being part of a really great family, and my mom reminded me that God will put a stop to anything that isn't good for you.
i knew that, of course, but had forgotten it in the last little while. thinking back during my walk around city creek today, i remembered how badly i wanted to move back to Utah, and how every time i tried, something wouldn't work out, so i couldn't move. i stayed in California and learned to love being there. as time passed, i found a good time to move back and started taking the steps to make that happen, reminding myself that if it wasn't the right decision, that God would stop me from leaving. He didn't, and I moved back.
with this relationship, He allowed me to go forward with it, because at the time, it was good for me, i had lessons i needed to learn. and then it ended, quickly. and i struggled with it, thinking that in my heart it had felt right, and why was it ending when i was so happy? and then my mother's words, and my own, spoken years ago, reverberated in my mind, that it wasn't good enough so God put a stop to it. sure, it's still going to hurt, and it's not going to be any easy because of the natural (wo)man that's inside me, but at least now i have that perspective, and i can understand more that there is someone and something better for me out there. and who knows, maybe it still is this guy. but maybe the timing isn't right, and that the situation needs to be different in order for it to work out. but i'm not going to stress about it, or be sad and miserable because it's all in God's hands now. He has the plan, He's guiding my ship and I need to trust Him.