the complexities of relationships

girls, we are complicated.

i mean seriously. (or maybe it's just me, but i'd like to think that i'm not the only one that does this)
{and this is saying a lot, for me to make an example of me and to post it on my blog...i'm not one to talk about my feelings, remember}

but i digress....why is it that we (or I) can be witty, smart, sexy, flirty and fun around the guys that we aren't interested in, that we're "just friends" with, but when it comes to being around the guy that we may have a slight infatuation with, we become moody, unsexy, uncool, major over analyzers, and very much the OPPOSITE of what we potentially could be?

i told my mom the other night that i tend to attract the guys that i'm not attracted to, and i couldn't figure out why...

i think i just did. i act totally normal, FUN, and carefree when i have no interest in the guy. guys are attracted to that.

when i'm interested in someone, i begin to overanalyze everything that i do or say, because i'm positive that the guy can: read my mind, interpret my signals, etc and will just know that i'm interested and then that'll ruin everything. (which means i second guess whether telling this joke or quoting that movie, or asking this question and bringing up that story will clue him in to what is going on in my head, whether he'll know that i may be interested in being more than just friends.)

but would it? would it really ruin everything? i think that's a little overdramatic, don't you? would it be so terrible if the guy you were interested in knew that you were interested? okay, maybe, if he doesn't feel the same, but what if he did??

so how do we get out of this mindset that we have to be the "crazy weird girl" around the guys we like (and maybe that's a bit over exaggerated. i don't think i'm crazy per se, i just act....more myself, which means i'm more insecure, i'm more vulnerable, the negative side of me comes out, and yes, i get a bit moody/jealous). if only i could keep the mindset that i have when i'm around guy friends, and be the fun girl that people like spending time with.

i don't know if i'm capable of being the "cool" girl i am when i'm around girls, or guy friends i've been friends with for ages (or that i'm not interested in/attracted to) and when i think about being that girl with the guys i like, i overanalyze it. typical.


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and a note on the guys, something that has been driving me crazy of late:

guys, do not: complain that you're not dating anyone, talk about how "hot" that one girl from that one movie (or from your ward, or your class, etc) is, talk about the kind of girls you're interested in or anything of the sort in front of girls that you're friends with. (even if you think you're "just friends" and you're not attracted to them. you don't know what's going on in their minds, and really, guys and girls cannot possibly be "just friends"--it's near impossible.) and i'll refer you now to two videos that prove this point:





honestly, even if you have no interest in the girls you're telling this to, if you really both just act like you're friends, there's a good chance, that, if given the opportunity, the girl would date you. so don't do this. it's frustrating and annoying, and she'll start thinking you're picky and particular, shallow and a tool, and she'll tell all the girls that she knows, which will just lessen your chance of finding someone to date.

girls, this goes for you too: don't talk to your guy friends about the guys you may or may not be interested in, not even to try to make them jealous. it will just backfire. (and yes, i am guilty of this myself)

the most frustrating thing i've discovered since living in salt lake, is how the guys do this: uhm, thanks for the shot to my self-esteem. am i not good enough for you to date? if i'm not good enough, then who is? because i can guarantee that your dream girl does not exist.

let's just be upfront and open about things, yes? it might solve a lot of problems....