a need for change

(not the loose stuff you find in your couch cushions, or in your car dash, although it might be helpful at this point in my life. i'm talking about a change of attitude, actions)

as i finished my typing this morning, the next song that came on my itunes was kelly clarkson (i've turned off shuffle while i type so that i don't accidentally skip to the next song that happens to be ziggy marley or something. so i don't have to scream and scramble back to my dictation). i was listening to "i do not hook up" {why is it that kclarkson sings about MY LIFE??} and it just reiterated my goal to find someone to really date this year. {plus, it reminded me of the fantabulous dream i had that included me and my unknown handsome fantastic boyfriend, who's face i never could see, but i know he was attractive} so, the lyrics of said song:

Oh sweetheart put the bottle down
You've got too much talent
I see you through those bloodshot eyes
There's a cure you've found it
Slow motion sparks
You caught that chill
Now don't deny it
But boys will be boys
Oh yes they will
They don't wanna define it
Just give up the game and get into me
If you're looking for thrills then get cold feet

Oh no I do not hook up, up
I go slow
So if you want me
I don't come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand
And your heart on your sleeve
Oh no I do not hook up, up
I fall deep
'Cause the more that you try
The harder I'll fight
To say ... Goodnight

I can't cook no but I can clean
Up the mess she left
Lay your head down and feel the beats
As I kiss your forehead
This may not last
But this is now
So love the one you're with
You want a chase
But you're chasing your tail
A quick fix won't ever get you well

i don't know. i really like it. i think it's always been my anthem, that i don't want to just "make out" with boys, but somehow things get messed up and confused, and then feelings are hurt and don't go according to plan. {and this is not to say that i'm a bad person. i don't think i am. i'm afraid this post makes me look worse than i am. i'm not} however, when i knew i was moving back to utah, i made the goal to go on dates, but to let the boy work for me. to play "the game" but not in a mean way, just play it so that he's the one making the effort, not me. sure, i'll make sure he knows i may be interested, but he's gotta work for it if he expects things to go anywhere.
of course, i need to find some prospects first to even begin the first steps of playing the game. anyone know anyone? haha.