remember when...

finding out if someone liked you was as easy as writing them a note like this:

nowadays you've gotta overanalyze everything they say or do.

nowadays you have to question their intentions.

nowadays, you have to worry about what you say and what you do, for fear that they might be interpreted the wrong way.

nowadays, one word can scare the guy away.

one word can end everything.

that phrase, "there are more fish in the sea" is a little too true.

in fact, i think it should say, "there are too many fish in the sea"

can't we go back to the days when all it took was for your best girlfriend to spill the beans to his best bud and the next day in class you and him were "boyfriend and girlfriend"? ...at least for that week.

can't i just say, "hey, i like you. is there a chance you like me too?" without getting laughed at or scorned?

is that really too much to ask?

{post-edit} i realized after posting this that i clearly don't think too much before i do and/or say things. that isn't to say that this isn't something that's been on my mind a lot lately, because it is. and i'm not saying i regret posting this, i do not. there are very few, if any, things that i regret doing in my life.
however, i failed to remember that i am an interesting character. anyone who really knows me, understands that (but really, who does know me enough to understand that?) my mind works in strange ways. i live my life through music. i daydream like there is no tomorrow. i have the memory of an elephant (supposedly they have extraordinary memories). that being said, i take some of those memories and alter them, not to forget them (remember? i can't) but to play out different scenarios in my head, to imagine how things would be if certain aspects of those moments were different.
in the same token, i also imagine up my own scenarios. how i would like for things to unfold. (you should see some of my dreams, so lifelike, you'd think it really had happened) so with that, i gain a bit of confidence thinking, "oh yeah, next time i see so-and-so i'm going to come out and tell him how i feel", or "if so-and-so and i ever get the chance to be alone, i'm going to kiss him straight on the mouth"--you know, silly things like that. then i come back down to reality (i'm telling ya, these romantic comedies/disney movies really ruined reality for me) and realize, i'm too big of a chicken to EVER do that. i'm too scared of being hurt, again, that i wouldn't even consider doing it. or, i get close, but back out at the last second. i'm a pessimist. i expect the worse. and the worst is to: lose a friend, be rejected, be laughed at (oh the horror!)
which is why i never do that ^, i never would write that note, sneak glances as the guy is reading it, to measure his reaction. i try to drop hints. i try to make myself available. i try to appeal to the guy, without losing my sense of me, but at the last second, i lose my cool, figure, he would NEVER go for me, i'm not his type, and slowly slink away, with my {fictitious} tail between my legs.
i'm such a coward.
i blame he-who-must-not-be-named for ruining me.
but i shouldn't. it's not really his fault.
it's mine.
for not being brave enough.
for not being strong enough.
{insert adele lyrics here: next time i'll be braver, i'll be my own savior when the thunder calls for me; next time i'll be braver, i'll be my own savior, standing on my own two feet -turning tables}
for not going out there and throwing it all out for the world to see, for not taking that risk.
i guess i just feel like i've got too much to lose.
but do i?